


Handling Juice

by Tarkleigh



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bottom Juice, M/M, Male Slash, Oral Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Top Jax
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-15 14:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1308163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarkleigh/pseuds/Tarkleigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Spoilers for seasons 6 & 7] Jax finds a new, fun way to handle Juice</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Handling Juice

Jax saw a lot of things differently since Opie had been killed. It was as if the color had been drained from his world, leaving only a harsh mixture of greys. He had lost what idealism and naiveté he might have had before, which had been replaced by the strong desire to never be blindsided like that again in its way. A large part of his mind didn't even see morals anymore, just opportunities. No guilt, just cold calculation. It didn’t even see people anymore, not really anyway. They were just tools to be used to his advantage. And they didn't have a personality anymore, just a collection of strengths and weakness that had to be exploited mercilessly, if he wanted to reach his goals.

At the moment these were getting rid of Clay for good, getting the club into legit business and getting Tara out of jail. The most pressing one – bloody revenge for Opie – had recently been reached and Jax still cherished the thought of that. Some part of him had hoped that the newfound coldness would vanish once he avenged his best friend but apparently it was here to stay. This worried the part of him that still was able to feel something for other people but he couldn't deny that the newfound ruthlessness was useful. It had certainly worked out well in the past and had brought him into a pretty decent position.

Clay would likely be handled by Marx, so Jax didn't have to worry too much about him at the moment. Tara was a different matter; she was in deep shit thanks to Otto’s stupid revenge scheme and needed to get out of the fire quickly. She wasn't made for this kind of life and he was certain prison would break her over time. Then she would either rat or go completely nuts. Jax really hoped Lowell could get her out on bail soon. He would like to say that this was only because she was his wife and he loved her but that wouldn't be true. At least part of him wanted to assess her and see if she was a threat. Jax really hoped that she wasn't because he dreaded the logical conclusion of this line of thought. He knew now that there was nothing he wasn’t capable of if push came to shove. He wondered if Tara had come to the same conclusion. Apparently not, if she risked alienating him by shutting him out for no reason. Why did she think that would help anyone? Women! Jax could lay them easily enough but he would never understand them.

He had just turned down Colette’s really transparent tries to get into his pants – Jax had been tempted but didn’t consider it smart to bang a business partner – and had gotten back to Teller Morrow instead. There he had run into Lowell who had just told him that is wife still didn’t want to see him. And that had hurt much more than he would have thought possible. So here he was, standing in front of the office, smoking and wondering what to do next. He had the desire to do something, to get some control back but there wasn’t anything to grab onto. After all, he couldn’t force her to talk to him.

His interest was piqued when he saw most of the workers leaving the garage. This meant delicate club business and nothing happened in his club without his approval. He tossed his cigarette away and started to walk over, just in time to see Chibs moving in on Juice. Shit, he couldn't use that at the moment. He needed Juice, he wouldn’t let Chibs ruin the most reliably asset Jax currently had. When he reached the garage Juice just got up from the ground, a bruise already forming on this face. He didn’t seem to fight back, Jax noted, probably too defeated to even defend himself from Chibs' blows. Jax moved behind the Scot and grabbed his hands. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Just giving Juice a welcome, Jackie,” Chibs said, staring angrily at him.

“Go to my room,” Jax told Juice over Chip's shoulder. “Wait there for me.”

Juice nodded, threw a fearful glance at Chibs and slunk out of the room. He looked so defeated Jax almost pitied him. Then he remembered what Juice had done and the emotion withered.

“So, you are trying to make him comfortable now?” Chibs spat. “He has killed a brother! He shouldn’t be here!”

“That is not your call to make”, Jax said calmly, releasing the Scot’s arm. “I told you why I wanted Juice in the Club and I don’t want you to sabotage my efforts. You don't have to be nice to Juice, you just have to leave him alone and let me handle him. I promise it won't be fun for him.”

Chibs looked at him for quite some time and Jax could practically see the wheels turning in the VP's head. If Jax wasn't much mistaken, Chibs was currently debating if he really wanted to know what Jax was doing with Juice or not. Jax’s money was on the latter. Despite his long and bloody career, Chibs still was a bit soft around the edges – something he had missed for a long time but now saw clearly –and didn’t had the brutal ruthlessness you needed for this business. “Alright, Jackie, I'll leave him alone. But the moment he steps out of line, I'll kill him. And tell you that I was against it in the first place.”

Jax laughed. “Noted. But trust me; I know what I am doing. It's for the best for the club.”

“I better hope so,” muttered Chibs and left. Bemused, Jax shook his head. Chibs was taking this way too personally. This might be understandable; after all he and Juice had been good friends before. Jax certainly wouldn’t have been thrilled if Opie had betrayed the club. But Juice was currently more use them alive than dead and he couldn’t let emotions cloud his judgment.

He left the garage and went to his room to check on Juice. True to his word, the Puerto Rican waited on his bed, a slightly haunted look in his eyes. Apparently, he hadn't expected such an unfriendly welcome from Chibs. He looked truly miserable when he looked up at Jax with his big, sad eyes. In the past, this might have moved Jax but now he let his cold side take over and did a quick assessment of Juice. He was a danger to the club and a proven rat but desperate, needy and starving for kindness at the same time. Jax had used this to control him and would continue to do so now. He would give Juice the prospect of becoming a real member again and use this mercilessly to turn him into his tool. He would be his living weapon, his infiltrator and agent. And he likely would even be thankful for the chance. “Are you alright?”

“I guess,” Juice said but it was easy to hear that he wasn't. “Wasn't the welcome I expected.”

“Chibs will come around,” Jax answered, the lie flowing easily from his tongue. “You just have to give him some time and show you are still a brother.”

The hope in Juice's eyes was almost too much. Damn, he was so easy to play it was disturbing. “Are we good, Jax?”

Jax carefully put a hand on the back of Juice's neck. “Yeah, Juice, we are. Just do what I say and I am sure I can turn the rest of the club around sooner or later."

Juice nodded and Jax was pretty sure that right now he could ask him to do anything. Pity he didn't have anything to do for him at the moment. Juice couldn’t do anything about Clay, Tig wasn’t really a problem anymore and Tara was out of their reach. It might be emotionally and sexually frustrating but there was nothing he could do about his wife. Then a thought blew into his head, a very disturbing and still strangely alluring thought. Maybe he could use the Puerto Rican after all. If his feeling was right, it might tighten his control of Juice even further.

“Come to my house tonight,” Jax said. “Nine o'clock. I have something we need to discuss in private. No word to anyone in the club.”

“Alright,” Juice said and now there was a hint of desperation in his face. At least part of the guy still seemed to resent his helplessness. Well, Jax would take care of that soon enough.

“Good.” Jax stood up and gave Juice a clap on the shoulder. “Get some rest. I'll see you then.”

Jax spent the next few hours getting the boys home, fed and to bed. He actually did some tidying up for Juice, but this was not a sign of appreciation but just for show. He had to appear in complete control this night and this was hard to do if you were tripping over your children's toys. The hardest part was convincing Happy to give him some space, but the Sergeant at Arms finally relented after some insistence. It was now a quarter to nine and Jax sat on his kitchen table, slowly smoking and ordering his thoughts. He was in a strange mental state, a part of him aghast with what he was about to do, while the other steadfastly insisted that it was not only the right thing to do, it might actually be fun. And wasn't that a disturbing thought. In moments like this, Jax questioned his sanity a bit. The latest events had badly shaken up Tara so it wasn't that outlandish to assume it might have damaged him a bit as well. But if that was the case, what should he do about it? He could hardly talk to a therapist about this. And his newfound coldness had worked out quite well for him so far.

At exactly nine o’clock there was a soft knock at his door. Jax smiled to himself – apparently all it took to finally get Juice to be on time was the lingering threat of a brutal death – and opened the door. Juice looked nervous but composed. Jax wondered what the Puerto Rican expected to happen here; probably a hit on a brother or something similar. He didn't know of Juice would be relieved or horrified when he heard the truth. “Hey, come in,” Jax said giving Juice what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Juice did that and Jax closed the door behind him once he was sure nobody else was around. He didn't want any witnesses for what was about to come. “So, what is that about?” Juice asked, surprising Jax a bit. He hadn't expected him to boldly ask about it. Well, two could play that game

“I have a task for you,” he said, keeping his voice low and serious. “I need you to do it and never tell anyone about this. If one word of this night reaches anyone in the club or outside, you are done! Do you understand me?”

Juice nodded. He didn’t look happy but apparently had expected something like that. “Yes. What do you want me to do?”

“Take your shirt off.”

This totally threw Juice off guard. “What?” Then horror spread on his face. “You want to burn my tattoos off? Please, Jax, don't do it! You said we were good!”

“Relax, that's not what I want. Everything is fine between us.”

“Then why should I take my shirt off?”

Jax gave him a smile that was almost certainly evil. “Can't you guess that, Juicy?” he said, stepping closer to the smaller man. “My old lady is in jail and I really miss my morning blowjobs. But luckily I have you to help me.”

Juice backed away from him “You can't be serious. I’m not doing that!”

“You bent over for Clay in Stockton, so don't play hard to get now. And don't you think you could use a little more love in your life? Now, take your shirt off!”

“And if I don't?”

“You know the answer to that question,” Jax said, giving him the evilest leer he could manage. He would let Juice's imagination do most of the work for him; the result would likely more terrifying than anything he could come up on his own.

Juice swallowed and then carefully peeled off his cut. He put it over a nearby chair before pulling his shirt over his head. Now shirtless, he stood carefully still and let Jax give him the once-over. The President was quite pleased at what he saw. Juice had packed on some decent muscles over the years, though the view was marred by the tasteless “Son Shine” tattoo on his pectorals. Well, maybe Jax could fix that in time. First things first, though. He stepped closer to Juice and pressed his lips against the younger men's. Juice resisted for a moment but Jax persisted and after some time the Puerto Rican responded – if somewhat half-heartedly. But it seemed like Jax was right on track. Juice would give him what he wanted if he handled things carefully. And once he was inside the guy, he would pound him so hard they would both forget their troubles.

“My turn”, he said, stepping away from Juice and shedding his own clothing. He kept a careful eye on the other member just in case Juice decided to bolt while Jax was busy pulling his shirt off. He needed have worried, though. Juice seemed to be too terrified to do anything other than stare at him. The fear in his eyes actually turned Jax on and wasn’t that fucked up? Unlike Juice, he didn't stop when he was shirtless, but removed his jeans as well. Juice started at the bulge in his boxers with obvious terror. “Get on your knees.”

“Jax, come on, man. I...”

“Now, Juice!”

Juice gave a resigned groan and did what he was told. He even showed some initiative and pulled Jax's boxers down on his own. Maybe he had switched tactics and now tried to just get it over with. When Jax's long, uncut dick was free, Juice wasted no time and swallowed it to the hilt. Jax gave a small groan. “Just like that, Juice. Suck my cock like you love it.”

It was almost too good. Juice turned out to be quite a talented cocksucker – it made Jax wonder exactly how much experience the guy had – and the thought that Jax had the power to just force him to do that made him feel like a titan. When he felt his orgasm approaching – way faster than he would have liked – he placed his hands on Juice’s head and stopped him. “That's enough. Get up.”

Juice looked at him in relief and did what he was told. He grabbed at his shirt but Jax stopped him. “We are not finished! Get naked.”

Every ounce of relief vanished form Juice's face in an instant. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want to. Now, do what you are told! I promise you will like what comes now.”

Apparently, Juice doubted that very much but he complied nevertheless. His jeans and underwear hit the floor, leaving him completely exposed to Jax's gaze. Again, the President was pleasantly surprised. Juice's cock was uncut like his and only slightly smaller. It seemed to be half-hard which told him that at least some part of Juice was enjoying his subjugation. Excellent, he would work with that. What really got his blood running was the fact that Juice was completely hairless; a stark contrast to Jax whose cock was surrounded by soft dirty blonde hair. Jax longed to touch Juice’s dick but feared this might be too intimate. And they had to go somewhere else. Jax would not bend Juice over the kitchen table. “Follow me.”

He steered the terrified Juice over to living room and pushed him onto the couch. Jax took a bottle of lube from the couch table and tossed it to the Puerto Rican. “Get your ass ready.”

Juice looked at the bottle in his hand and slowly shook his head. Jax just smiled at him. “You should reconsider that. Refusing would just get you a dry fuck.”

The Puerto Rican gaped at him before squirting some lube on his fingers. Before long, he had two fingers up his ass, working himself open for Jax's cock. It was a fascinating sight. Jax had never been with a guy – unless you counted some teenage experimentation with Opie which had ended with really awkward blowjobs – and had no idea what to expect. That was part of the reason why he let Juice prepare himself – he didn’t want to appear clueless – the other was that it had to be especially humiliating. But Juice didn't seem to hate it that much, if his hard cock was an indication. Could be the fingering but Jax had the suspicion that Juice got off on being completely dominated. And wouldn’t that be a great coincidence? “That's enough. Let’s do this!”

Juice turned to get on his hands and knees as if reading Jax's mind. Jax grinned, lubed up his dick a bit for good measure and got on the couch behind him. He grabbed Juices hips and swiftly slammed into him in one go. “Fuck!” Juice gasped and Jax felt a bit overwhelmed himself. It was incredibly tight! Much tighter than any woman he had ever had. Jesus Christ, this would be fun!

“On it, babe,” Jax said, bending down and pressing a kiss on his neck. “You like it hard, right? I Because I sure do.”

He didn't wait for a response before pulling almost completely out and slamming back in. Juice arched in what could be pleasure but was probably pain. Jax was too far gone to care. This was better than he had expected! Juice was so hot, wet and tight that fucking him was pure ecstasy. But even more important was the incredibly rush of power that flooded his veins. He had never felt more powerful in his life, not even when he had killed Pope. Juice was his! Now there would be nothing he couldn't get the Puerto Rican to do for him! And Jax made a mental note to abuse this heavily as he pushed into him with quick brutal thrust. Just to fuck with the guy’s head, he gave him some tenderness mixed with the brutal pace. A kiss on the neck or the back, a quick stroke on Juice's stiff cock – either Jax had found his sweet spot or he had been right with the submission kink –, anything that might feel Juice good in the otherwise horrible situation.

Jax didn't know if it was the power or the tightness but he came way too soon, spilling his seed deep inside Juice’s ass. He stopped his ministrations immediately – even though he had the feeling Juice might be close as well – and pulled out. He got up from the couch and went looking for his clothing. He heard Juice sit up. “Fuck, did you use a rubber?” the other man said, apparently feeling the seed inside of him.

“No,” Jax answered, grabbing his boxers.

“What? Why wouldn't you?”

“You didn’t ask for one,” Jax said with a smile.

Juice shook his head and stood up. His erection was starting to subside and Jax felt a pang of remorse for not getting him off, before shoving the emotion aside. “Are we done?” Juice asked.

“Yes,” Jax said. He stepped close to Juice and gave him a tender kiss. “Thanks, Juicy. I needed that.”

Juice looked like he was about to cry. “No problem, Pres.”


	2. Twisting and Turning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted to make this a longer story that loosely followed the events of season six but couldn’t quite get it right. So I put it on the back-burner and posted just the first part of it. But I didn’t want to let the rest go to waste so I cleaned it up for you. It was a bitch but I think I got it right now. Enjoy

Juice didn't really start breathing again until he was back in the safety of his own house and far away from Jax. What the hell was wrong with this guy? And more to the point, what the hell was wrong with him? Why had he gone along with this shit? He should have said no and suffered the consequences. Or at the very least he should have insisted on a condom but he had been too terrified to do anything but taking it. And why had he actually enjoyed some of it? Was he suddenly into pain and humiliation? Or had this been just a physical reaction? After all, Jax had pounded his ass like crazy, it was pretty much expected he would hit his prostate in the process. Juice shook his head. It all felt unreal and had come completely out of nowhere. Jax might have been shaken up by Opie's death – and who could really blame him? – but Juice never would have expected him to do something like that. He hadn’t even known that Jax was into guys.

He stripped of his clothes and went for a long shower, hoping it might make him feel clean again. It was weird that he felt more used and despoiled now than when Jax had made him betray Clay, a dear friend at the time. Ridiculous even! It was just a fuck and Juice had taken it up the ass before. Hell, there had been times when he would have gladly bent over for Jax if the guy had asked nicely. Of course, he hadn't expected to be actually forced to do so at metaphorical gunpoint. And it really confused Juice that the older man had switched between a quick, brutal fuck and genuine tenderness on a whim. Was this just a show of dominance or did Jax actually like him in a weird way? Not that he hoped for a relationship with him – Jax was clearly off the deep end at the moment – but it was certainly better than him being a sadistic, manipulative rapist who just wanted to fuck with his head.

Up to now his return to Charming hadn’t been a great success. Chibs was still pissed at him and Jax apparently saw him as his bitch – in every sense of the word. Juice thought he really should consider leaving again but the situation hadn't changed. He still only had the club and if he lost Jax's patronage, his betrayal would hit the table. Juice knew he was as good as dead should that happen and he would do everything to get out of this mess. He wished he could be certain that there actually was a future in which he would be a real member again, not just the toy of the troubled Jax. It would make the pill easier to swallow. But no matter the taste he would have to force it down. At least until there was another option. Maybe the fucking would stop when Tara was back from jail. Jax didn't like to cheat on his old lady, after all.

*   *   *   *   *

Jax had every intention not to fuck Juice again when he woke up the next morning. His main reason was that he was now certain that he had the control over Juice he needed but there also was a faint feeling of guilt lingering on the edges of his consciousness. Jax wasn’t used to this emotion anymore. He still regretted not finding a way to save Ope but everything he had done after this fateful day was perfectly fine with him. So why did he grow soft now? Was it the fucking? Was fucking someone more or less against his will – Jax hadn’t held Juice down so the Puerto Rican had at least somewhat of a choice – worse than brutally murdering someone? Jax didn’t think so and he didn’t lose any sleep over the murders he had committed. Maybe it was because it was Juice. The guy was a brother after all and Jax had liked him for quite some time. Yeah, this was probably it. Nostalgia, the most useless emotion of all.

The moral implications aside, Tara would be home soon and Jax would likely be busy fixing his relationship with her. Not that he knew what exactly the problem was but he had to try at least. And he still took his wedding vows somewhat seriously, seriously enough not to fuck Juice when his wife was waiting at home. He wondered how the Puerto Rican was taking the events of last night. Would he make a run for it? Nah, Jax had executed it perfectly. Juice knew he had nowhere to go. And hadn’t he liked it at least somewhat? Probably would come back for more now he had been properly fucked for once. Of course, there was also the possibility that he would snap under the pressure and do something really fucking stupid. Jax would have to be careful.

When he arrived at the garage he found Juice there, happily working away at a car. The guy seemed in as good a mood as always, despite moving somewhat stiffly. Apparently, Jax had been right about him accepting his new role. Juice gave him a nod as he passed and Jax couldn't contain the filthy grin that spread on his face. He really had the kid in his palm. And damn if that didn’t feel good.

He saw Chibs watching them for afar and went over to him. "Morning, Chibs."

"I need to talk to you," the Scot said immediately.

"Alright, what about?" Jax asked, a bit surprised by this.

"Juice."

"I am not letting you beat him up, Chibs. Stop asking."

"Are you raping him?"

"What?" Jax tried to put as much outrage in his voice as possible. From where he stood, the result sounded pretty convincing. "Why would you even think that?"

"Because he was walking funny exactly one day after you told me you would handle him."

"And the most logical explanation you could find was that I was secretly a gay rapist? When I am not even into dick?"

"Oh please, Jackie, do you think I didn't notice how you looked at Opie? I don't know if you guys fucked but I am pretty certain you would have liked to."

This time, Jax didn’t have to fake anything. The anger in his voice was completely genuine. "Don’t you dare talk about Opie! Back the fuck off, Chibs!"

"Only if you tell me what the hell you are doing with Juice."

"I fuck him," Jax snarled. "Happy now? I am showing him his place and getting laid at the same time. Like I told you, I am handling it."

"But he wants to? You are not forcing him."

Jax gave him a smile. "I have to admit; we had a bit of a rocky start. But he warmed to the idea pretty quickly."

"Jesus Christ, Jackie, what is wrong with you?"

"At the moment? My hypocritical VP who is suddenly worrying about a guy he wanted dead yesterday. I told you once and I will tell you again, Chibs: Back the fuck off! I will not let you ruin this thing with Juice. And if it helps you sleep at night: He was hard as a rock when I plowed him yesterday. So get off your high horse and back to work."

Chibs shook his head. "You need help, Jackie. Opie's death screwed you up."

"Maybe you are right," Jax said smoothly. "But first I have to handle the Irish. And Tara. And Clay before he can rat us all out. Oh, and I have to find new members before we run out of bodies. Maybe then we can have a cry together and talk about how much I miss Opie. But until then I need you to keep your mouth shut and let me do my work. Unless you want to run the show. I am sure the President patch would suite you."

That was a bluff. Jax wouldn't give up the Gavel. Not right now, when everything was in the balance. But Chibs would never want this kind of responsibility, especially not in such a delicate situation. And Jax guessed that the Scot was secretly afraid of having to deal with Juice himself.

"Keep it," Chibs said, proving Jax right. "I have to be honest here, Jax: What you are doing sounds completely fucked up, even if Juice wants it. But I won’t tell anyone. The club can’t handle this shit right now. But I will keep an eye on the two of you."

Aw, how cute. Chibs was worrying about his precious Juice. The guy really was way too soft for his own good. Or maybe he wanted a piece of that ass for himself? Well, in that case he was shit out of luck, because Jax didn’t share. "Thanks, brother. Trust me, I’m doing this for the best of the club.”

Chibs seemed to doubt that but walked away and didn’t contradict him. Jax wasn’t too worried about being caught by Chibs. The guy would keep his mouth shut. He didn’t have the guts to make a grab for the Gavel and for everything else the fact that he had fucked Juice was useless. And Chibs would not destabilize the club further in this already precarious situation or rat him out to Tara. Nothing to be worried about then. He put the VP out of his mind and went on with his day, still in good spirits.

His good mood abruptly ended when he met Tara again. He didn’t know what the problem was but somehow it just didn’t work out between them anymore. Everything felt strained and awkward, which really shouldn’t happen if you were married and had children together. When he made love to her this evening it felt so strained and wrong he had trouble coming. When he finally did, he thought of Juice, and this fact was one of the reasons he lay awake most of the night.

The next day he grew so tired of Tara’s antics that he forgot his good intentions, went to Juice’s place after work and fucked the Puerto Rican hard in his own bed. Juice meekly bowed to his every request and didn’t even protest when Jax again skipped the rubber. When he got back on his Harley afterwards Jax felt a lot better already.

*   *   *   *   *

It quickly became a regular event. Jax would use Juice for his dirty work in the club and fuck the guy whenever he felt the need to. At first it was only when Tara got especially troublesome but soon Jax found himself banging Juice through the mattress regardless how things were with his wife.

It was just too tempting. Juice would give him exactly what he wanted without any questions and the rush of power Jax felt every time he bent the younger man over a table was as exquisite as it had been the first time. And he was certain now that Juice was into the whole submission thing and at least somewhat enjoyed their sessions together. From time to time he gave him some tenderness – a quick lick here, a smooth stroke there – to reward him for his obedience. Sometimes he felt a pang of guilt – both from cheating on Tara and forcing Juice into this position – but every time he shoved it aside. This was the right thing to do! He needed at least one relationship he controlled and it was a good way to make sure Juice stayed in line. And he could always stop once things between him and Tara had gotten better.

Then Lowen told him the truth about Tara's pregnancy and the bottom dropped out of his world. How could Tara do something like that to him? Didn't she love him? It was so unexpected! He knew that she had wanted out of Charming before but she hadn't brought the topic up for some time, apparently because she had already decided to act without his approval. He would like to go home and smack her around until she learned her fucking place – and maybe take her out because this was the logical answer to such a betrayal – but for once his newfound ruthlessness failed him. He couldn’t do it! He couldn't harm the love of his life and mother of his children.

Once he had realized that, the rage disappeared quickly and was replaced by a sadness he hadn't felt since Opie's death. He could barely finish the rest of his duties this day and once he was alone his thoughts started circling. Why had this happened? Where had he gone wrong? Why couldn’t things just work out for once? With Opie gone and Tara no longer on his side he felt more alone than ever before. And for once he couldn't deal with it. He needed someone to talk to, someone to assure him he wasn’t a horrible, unlovable monster. Before he knew it he was on his Harley and on his way to Juice's place.

It was long after midnight but the Puerto Rican answered after some persistent knocking. "Who’s there?" he asked through the closed door.

"It's me," Jax said. "Open up."

Juice did almost immediately. He was only wearing his boxers but had a gun in his hand. Apparently he hadn't expected a friendly visit. "What do you want?"

Jax quickly pushed inside and closed the door behind him. "What do you think?"

He bent down and kissed Juice. Not hard and dominant like usual but softer, sweeter. Exactly like he had kissed Tara these countless times. Juice gasped but then responded just as carefully. When they parted for air Juice looked at him in surprise. "What's going on, Jax?"

Jax felt tears welling up in his eyes but managed to stop himself from crying. His mind was screaming at him not to show weakness in front of Juice but for once he didn't have the heart to listen to it. "It's Tara. She is divorcing me and plans to take the boys with her. She was never pregnant. Lowen just spilled the beans to me."

"Jesus," Juice said, "is there anything I can do?"

"Do you want me, Juice?” Jax asked. He probably sounded desperate but he did not care. "For real, I mean. Not because you want to buy your way back in."

Juice just stepped closer and gave him a kiss – the very first one that hadn't been initiated by Jax. One of Juice's hands palmed Jax's dick through his pants. "Yeah, Jax," he breathed into his ear after he broke the kiss. "I want you."

Jax had never been so grateful to hear these words in his life. "How do you want me?"

"On my bed. On top of me. Fucking me slowly."

"I can do that," Jax said hoarsely and pulled his cut off. Juice steered him towards the bedroom – not that Jax needed the directions, he had been here often enough – and helped him out of his clothes at the same time. By the time they reached the bed, Jax was down to his boxers as well. Juice pushed his own underwear down – Jax was pleased to see that his dick was rock hard – and lay down on the bed.

"Lube is in the drawer," Juice said. "Grab it, lose the boxers and get down here!"

Part of Jax bristled at being ordered around like that but mostly he was just happy that Juice wanted him. He stepped out of his boxers, grabbed the lube out of the drawer and got on top of the Puerto Rican. As usual, Juice prepared himself but this time Jax was keeping him busy with countless licks, kisses and caresses. He seriously considered blowing Juice but wasn’t sure if he wanted to give up that much control just yet. Before he could make up his mind, Juice withdrew his fingers from his hole and looked at Jax expectantly. "All ready for you."

Jax quickly snatched the bottle and started to lube himself up. Then he realized that he had forgotten something. "Do you want me to use a rubber?"

Juice smiled at him. "Nah, I've gotten used to it by now. Just be gentle, okay?"

He could do that. He lined up and slowly pushed himself into the smaller man. It was as tight as he imagined but the dynamic between them was completely different. The rush of power was gone but it had been replaced by an intimacy Jax hadn’t felt before with Juice. And it was this that he needed at the moment, not the harsh pleasure of total control. Juice signaled him to start moving and he did, though much more carefully than usual. They quickly found a good pace and both went all-out on each other, nicking and kissing and licking everything that came into reach. Jax found he really liked it that way and judging form his moans and rock-hard cock, Juice was enjoying himself as well. When Jax found his orgasm approaching – not nearly as quickly this time and he really didn’t want to think about that too much – he wrapped a hand around Juice's cock and started stroking him. With this extra help, Juice came in no time and Jax followed quickly, again spilling himself deep inside the Puerto Rican. Panting, he pulled out and flopped to his back next to Juice, who seemed to be a bit dazed.

Jax used the chance to put an arm around him. "You okay there?"

"Yeah, it was just a bit...overwhelming," Juice said.

Usually Jax would tease the fuck out of him for that but he wasn’t really in a joking mood. "Hey, can I crash here tonight?"

Juice looked at him. "Do you mean in this house or in this bed?"

"Right here," Jax said. "Next to you."

"Err, sure I guess."

Jax eagerly curled up next to him. He pushed aside the many reasons why this was a bad idea and just focused on the soft warmth of Juice next to him. He would think about the future in the morning.

*   *   *   *   *

 When Juice woke up the next morning, he was very confused by the whiskers pressing against his neck. He twisted around and saw Jax cuddled into him, still sleeping like a baby. Everything came crashing back to him then. Jesus, what a confusing mess he had made! Was it a good thing that he had slept with Jax or was he out of his mind to let such an unstable guy plow him? And how would Jax react now that he had some time to calm down? Would he be grateful for Juice’s help or would he just take it for granted? Juice had no answers and guessed he would have to wait with his analysis until Jax was awake.

He carefully slipped out of Jax’s grasp and stood up. He would take a shower and maybe get some breakfast going before Jax woke up. Maybe he should fix something up for the guy to make a good impression. While he showered, he thought about the new situation. It was hard to believe that Tara had backstabbed Jax like that. They had always seemed so right for each other. Juice could only imagine how hard such a betrayal hurt. He wondered what Jax would do with her now. If it had been anybody else, he likely would have killed the guy already, but icing Tara would be ruthless even for him. He was probably a tangled mess of conflicting emotions right now and Juice did not envy him at the least.

But he had some issues on his own, hadn’t he? Part of him resented Jax for treating him so badly and was angry at himself for actually fucking Jax voluntarily last night. But at the same time a bigger part wanted Jax badly – the guy was just so disgustingly hot – and was glad somebody gave him some affection. Juice knew it was foolish but he couldn’t stop himself from hoping for a real relationship – as pathetic as that might sound. But how could a relationship born from hatred and coercion even work? When he found that he couldn't expect any clear answers from his heart, Juice tried to analyze the situation as coldly as possible. When viewed detached from emotion, he actions last night might have been just the thing to do. Jax would likely be grateful for the comfort and with Jax on his side he was safe in the club. As long as he gave Jax the affection Tara denied him, the President would likely stay on his side. And Juice probably would even like it. Yeah, this sounded like a good idea. He would do that and see what happened.

He slipped out of the shower, toweled himself off and put some clothes on. He made some coffee and then went back up to check on Jax. He had the vague idea of waking the President up with a blowjob but Jax was already getting out of bed.

"Morning," the completely naked Jax said to him. It was hard for Juice to read his mood.

"Morning," he said. "There is coffee downstairs, if you want some."

Being so close to Jax's dick was distracting. Juice couldn’t help thinking about grabbing it, peeling the foreskin back and swallowing it whole. Damn, maybe last night had messed with his head.

"Thanks," Jax said. "Can I use your shower? I am not sure what waits for me at home."

"Err, sure."

"Thanks, Juice. We'll talk once I’m finished."

Juice doubted that this talk would be one to look forward to but there was no point in getting worked up now. He made good use of the time Jax needed to clean himself up to finish breakfast. Just to be sure he made seem for Jax as well, though he wasn’t sure if the President planned on staying. Better to be safe than sorry. Maybe he should have paid more attention to Jax morning after routine over the years. Perhaps he wouldn’t feel so out of his element then. But maybe this was an unrealistic expectation. Their relationship certainly wasn’t like Jax's usual hookups.

Jax came down from the bathroom, now fully dressed and sat down at the kitchen table. Juice quickly passed him a cup of coffee. "I wasn’t sure what you usually eat for breakfast so..."

"Sit down, Juice," Jax said quietly.

Juice put down his cup and did. This whole setup reminded him of the time he had come over to Jax's house to confess – not a happy association to make. After a moment of silence, Jax spoke. "I wanted to apologize to you. I shouldn't have forced you to have sex with me when Tara was in jail. I don't know what I have been thinking. I would like to blame the stress or Opie's death but none of it makes it okay."

"Jax," Juice began but Jax continued speaking.

"But despite all the things I did to you, you still took care of me yesterday when you would have every right to kick me out of the house. Hell, I'm lucky you didn’t slit my throat while I was out. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that, Juice. Tara backstabbing me was a horrible blow, I don't know what I would have done without you. I know it won’t make it okay, but I apologize for everything."

Juice didn’t really know what to say. Jax’s transformation back from full-blown psychopath to his gentler older self couldn’t have been more sudden. He could even see tears in Jax's eyes. "It's okay, Jax. Our first night together wasn’t what I had hoped for but I've wanted you for a long time. And I can't say I was innocent in the whole situation. After what happened to Miles, I probably deserve everything you did to me and more. Fucking you was the least of it."

"Yeah, about that. For me your debt is paid in full now. No more secret work from me for you. If I need something done, I will just handle it myself in the future. And no more fucking, unless you want it. I will make sure Miles’s death will not hit the table and in time the others will come around as well. Everything will be as it was."

It was Juice's turn to be overwhelmed with gratitude. He jumped up and embraced Jax tightly. "Oh god, thanks, Jax. Thank you so much!"

"You earned this," Jax whispered to his ear. Juice became slowly aware that he was basically straddling the guy and soon enough he felt Jax's hard dick against his ass.

He pulled back and smiled. "Guess Little Jax is awake as well. Want me to take care of him?"

"You don't have to do this."

"I know but I want to."

"Damn, Juice," Jax said. "I don't deserve you."

"Damn right you don't," Juice said, giving him a sly wink. "Anything else to discuss before I sent you off with a killer blowjob?"

"I guess you want to know how things will go on from here. I wish, I could tell you but I can’t really say how things with Tara will play out at the moment, so…"

"It’s okay," Juice said and meant it. He completely understood that Jax felt attached to Tara despite the things she had done. He wanted Jax and if the guy was available for something serious, Juice would be delighted. If not, he would just have to make do with what they had had. "Do you think you will stay married to her?"

"At the moment I am just glad I didn’t bash her fucking head in," Jax said with a growl. "I will get over there after breakfast and see what I am at."

Juice nuzzled his neck. "Just be careful. I wouldn’t want the crazy bitch to shoot you."

Jax grinned at him. "If she does, you will be the least of her problems. Gemma would probably skin her alive. But whatever happens between Tara and me, I will still be there for you. If you want me in your bed, I will come and if Tara doesn’t like it, she can go fuck herself. Just don’t expect me to bottom for you anytime soon."

"I wouldn't want that anyway."

"Good. So how about that blowjob?"

Juice grinned at him and went to work.

*   *   *   *   *

 Juice’s good mood took a serious hit when he watched Jax killing Clay. He had known that it was coming, of course, but the savage glee on Jax’s face when he pulled the trigger disturbed him. After their night together, he had hoped that Jax wasn’t the ice-cold killer he had made him out to be who had been so twisted and shaken by Opie’s death that he would do anything to get what he wanted. This illusion had been quite comforting but was now brutally shattered. Sure, Clay had done some terrible things but he was the guy’s god-damned stepfather and had been a good leader for decades. Seeing Jax not only killing the guy but fucking relishing it made Juice really uncomfortable. He too had killed a club member, after all. Sure, Jax had officially pardoned him but who knew how long he could stay in his good graces? If Jax had no problem icing Clay, he certainly wouldn't hesitate to get rid Juice just because they fucked a few times.

Then there was Tara, still around after all the shit she had done. Juice didn't like that at all. Watching her and Jax drift closer again made him nervous. As long as they were at odds, Juice could give Jax the affection Tara was denying him. If they somehow worked it out again, would that endanger his position in the club? Jax had told him they were good but Juice didn’t trust the peace yet. Or maybe he was just jealous. After all, he was kinda the other woman in this set-up.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard someone coming up to him. He expected Jax, maybe wanting a quick fuck, and put on a smile. The grin quickly faded when he recognized Chibs.

"I need to talk to you," the Scot said.

"There is nothing to talk about," Juice replied brusquely. He hadn't forgotten the less then warm welcome Chibs had given him.

"I think there is," Chibs said softly. "It's about you and Jax."

Shit, how the fuck did he know? "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Cut the crap, Juicy. I confronted Jax and he told me."

Horror spread through Juice’s mind. "Does anyone else know?"

"No and I won't tell anyone. Out of respect for the two of you."

Juice very much doubted that Chibs had any respect left for him but was grateful nevertheless. He didn't want the club to know that Jax had more or less raped him into line. It would serious hurt Jax's reputation and screw up Juice’s return into the club. The Puerto Rican was absolutely certain his brothers wouldn’t respect him anymore, if they knew the truth. Perhaps they would even think his ass was free-for-all. The very though made his skin crawl even if he was positive that Jax wouldn’t let this happen. "Thanks. But how is it your business?"

"Jax told me the same thing. But I can’t just sit by and watch him raping you. I can’t stop Jax but I can help you get out of here if you want."

"Really, Chibs? Now you suddenly care again? I find that hard to believe after you did you very best to get me killed. What, are you jealous that Jax gets to fuck me?"

Chibs glared at him. "Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Not even a dirty coward like you. And I never tried to get you killed."

"Bullshit! Or what did you think would happen if Mile's death had hit the table? That I would get a slap on the wrist and everything would be fine afterwards? I would have met Mister Mayhem before the fucking sun was down!"

"I would have voted to safe you," Chibs said and he sounded actually sincere. "You might have lost the patch but I wouldn't have let them kill you."

"Somehow I doubt that," Juice said bitterly. "Must be the whole trying-to-beat-me-to-pieces thing. But it wouldn’t matter anyway. Without the club, I am nothing."

"I am here to help, Juice. Say the word and I'll get you out of Charming before nightfall. I will make something up for Jackie. I just can't stand the thought of him doing that to you!"

Juice laughed. "You really don’t get it, do you, Chibs? I want it. I want Jax on top of me, slamming into my ass like it is our last night on earth. Maye not at the start but now Jax is not forcing me anymore. You might even say that we are together in some way."

It was Chibs' turn to laugh and this might have been the most soul-shattering sound Juice had ever heard. "And you actually believe that? Open your eyes, Juicy! At this very moment your lover is trying to piece things together with his wife! I don't doubt that Jackie had his fun with you while Tara was away but that is all there is. He doesn't love you! And he will get rid of you the moment you become a problem."

"Shut up! You have no fucking idea how things are between us!"

"Just keep telling yourself that. I guess it fits that you would whore yourself out to save your sorry skin. Just don’t get used to it, Jax will drop you sooner than you would think. And then I won't lift a finger to save you."

Juice tried to say something but for once words failed him. Chibs just shook his head in disgust and turned away, leaving him in his misery. His words echoed in Juice's head. He tried not to let them get to him but that was easier said than done. Was Chibs right? Would Jax drop him like a hot potato when he was done with him? No, he had been so grateful the other day, he wouldn’t do such a thing, would he? Didn't Tara prove that Jax still had some mercy in him? And Juice's betrayal might have been more severe but also less personal than hers had been. But then there was Clay and the fucking glee with that Jax had ended him. Juice couldn’t stop imagining himself at Clay's place, gunned down by a guy who had once meant so much to him.

Then there was Chibs' pure disgust for him. Would this be his future? Still a member of SAMCRO but despised by everyone but Jax? Chibs claimed he hadn’t told anyone but secrets like this probably didn’t stay buried for long. Not when they would be such excellent ammunition in any leadership dispute with Jax. And once the rumor was out there nothing Jax or Juice would say would stop the whispering. When he thought about it this way, Jax might have a reason to bury him soon, just to hide what had happened between them, especially if he was trying to mend fences with Tara – finding out that you hubby had screwed another guy probably wasn't very endearing. This thought was fucking terrifying. He needed to find Jax! They need to talk!

However, it turned out that Jax was busy with Tara – as if it could be anyone else. Not wanting to disturb them, Juice talked with Bobby, officially about Clay but between the lines it was all about himself. He wondered if Bobby would vote for him to meet Mister Mayhem if push came to shove. The answer was likely yes, which didn’t help his troubled mind. It was all becoming too much. The stress combined with his guilt over Clay and his role as Jax's assassin made him feel like he was drowning. He needed some relief! He needed Jax but the guy was busy with his fucking psycho wife who would probably hate him if she knew the truth. Desperate for at least some kindness, he took Bobby's advice and went to Diosa, popping Oxy like it was candy. He knew in the back of his head that he was likely taking too much but didn't care as long as that horrible feeling stopped.

*   *   *   *   *

The next day, Juice watched Jax say goodbye to the club. He couldn't understand for a minute why he would make such an enormous sacrifice for a bitch like Tara – Juice took her attempt to flatten him with her car rather personally – but he knew there was no point in arguing with the President. Maybe Jax was feeling the weight of his sins and was looking for redemption. Juice knew the feeling only he had tried to fix it with enough morphine to put down an elephant. This had nearly killed him but compared to twenty years in prison it still seemed like the better way to deal with your problems.

Losing Jax for decades hurt more than Juice would have ever imagined, despite the dark beginning of their relationship. Despite being back in the club, he felt alone again. "I will miss you, brother," he said and embraced Jax. There was probably much more to be said but he had no idea how to do that.

Jax gave him a soft kiss to the ear and Juice felt his affection rise again. If only they had time for a proper good-bye. He would give the guy a night to remember. Then Jax spoke and Juice's romance-addled thoughts were blown away. "You betrayed me!"

Juice pulled back and saw that the affection was gone from Jax’s face. He saw the hard face of the man who had bent him over the couch and fucked him without mercy. The man who ruthlessly eliminated anyone who threatened him and whose machinations had brought down powerful foes like Pope, Galen and Clay. Juice tried to say something, anything that might make it better but he couldn't think of anything to say. The expression on Jax's face was final. This was it. End of the line. It didn’t matter if it had been an accident. Spilling the beans to Nero had been his last mistake. Juice tried to bring up the courage to fight but found that he didn't have the strength for it anymore. It might even be a relief after all the time. So he just turned around and left, trying not to look at the man who had just condemned him.


	3. Stay of Execution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 7 starts here. Beware of spoilers

In retrospective Jax thought it was a blessing that he had been arrested after Tara’s murder. There was too much waiting for him outside. In here, things were much simpler. Eat, work out, sleep, stay out of trouble and do some foraging for a possible alliance with the Aryan Brotherhood – that was it. And lots of time to do some thinking – which he had quite a lot to do of. Of course, the thing most often on his mind was Tara. Her death had been brutal. He remembered all the good times together and felt his heart clench every time he thought of the family they had been. What kept him sane in these moments was the promise of vengeance. And vengeance would be had! Lin would regret the day he had ordered the hit! Jax would make him pay and it would happen soon!

But there was one very disturbing thing that kept wandering into his head in quiet moments: It was the thought that he had been lucky. Some part of him couldn’t help feeling that the murder had stopped him from doing something extremely stupid. Giving himself up to protect his family had seemed like the right thing at the time but now he had the gnawing suspicion that Tara had played him. What had happened to her wasn’t his fault! She had come back to him! She had stayed with him for all this time! And the second she had to make a personal sacrifice she wanted out and blamed him? Ridiculous! A lot of things seemed harsher to him in hindsight: Her making Kohn his problem, the holier-than-thou attitude she sported while helping him with his criminal career, her planning to abort Thomas and of course her idiotic plan to take his children away from him. If she had been anyone else he would have smashed her goddamn head in for that. Instead he had given her chance after chance and she had used this mercy to manipulate him further. Now that his emotions had settled down he felt like a fool who had almost lost everything for the greatest lie ever told – love.

And apparently it hadn’t been enough losing one lover at the time: Juice was gone. He had betrayed him, just like Tara had betrayed him. The disrespect was staggering. What the hell had Juice been thinking? Was this his way of paying Jax back for using him? That ungrateful bastard! He had given him so much! Safety, a new start maybe even some twisted form of love. And once again it had blown up in his face!

What bothered him that he hadn't see this betrayal coming and that he still couldn't think of a reason why Juice would backstab him like that. Juice’s position had been excellent, why had he thrown all this away? Was is the fucking? Had Jax's analysis been wrong and the Puerto Rican had actually resented him for bending him over without really asking? But Juice had voluntarily slept with him afterwards, even when Jax had made it clear that he could refuse. Hell, he had thought that the guy might even be in love with him. Had Juice been play-acting all this time? If yes, he was a lot shrewder than Jax had ever given him credit for.

But why would he rat him out to Nero? The guy was little more than a glorified pimp and could do little to actually hurt Jax. If Juice had been out for revenge, he should have brought the issue to the table. Just mentioning what Jax had done to him could have been devastating. Jax’s authority would be gone and even if he told them the truth about Juice’s sins, he would likely lose his power – if not his patch – if Juice spun the story correctly. He would get his comeuppance as well but he would have dragged Jax down with him. But he hadn't done that. Instead he had chosen to betray Jax in a way that didn’t hurt the President much but put himself in a very awkward position. Weird. Maybe he would ask Juice about it before he killed him.

*   *   *   *   *

 Juice’s thoughts had run in circles for more than a week and he still wasn’t any closer to a solution. He had lost everything. His patch was as good as gone, his life forfeit and – maybe worst of all – he had lost Jax just because he had been too stupid to keep track of the Oxy he took. It couldn’t end like this! There had to be a way out of this mess! He couldn’t give up the club, he couldn’t give up Jax for such a stupid mistake! Maybe he could just talk to the guy, explain what had happened, apologize and maybe seal the deal off with a blowjob. This should do it, right? It was just a mistake, after all, he hadn’t meant to cause any trouble. But Juice had the strong suspicion that he was deluding himself. Jax likely wouldn't even let him say a word before he popped two bullets in his head. And who could really blame him? He had given Juice chance after chance and again and again Juice had proven that he was nothing but a rat. Jax likely felt betrayed and Juice knew from experience that he took this very badly. And this time Juice had nothing to offer him – well, other than his ass but he doubted that was enough for Jax.

The horrible feeling of having lost everything paralyzed him and made it hard to do anything but the most basic tasks. He had kept himself busy by cleaning up Wendy's apartment and watching a lot of TV but neither had brought him any closer to a real solution. At least he had Gemma helping him, even if he couldn't tell her the reason for his falling out with Jax – and what they had shared before that. What he had done to win Gemma’s favor still haunted him – even if some part of him was glad he could finally pay Eli back for the pain he had caused him – and not telling Jax the truth about the murder felt wrong. Juice knew that coming clean likely would make things worse for him – Jax would probably not be grateful, if he believed him at all, and he would lose the only help he had – but it still left a bad taste in Juice's mouth. He also had the vague idea that telling Gemma to pin Tara’s murder on the Chinese would have dire consequences and he really didn’t want to think about this too much.

His stupor ended when Wendy walked in on him. Luckily Gemma could bring her into the fold before she could rat Juice out but it made clear to the Puerto Rican that he had to do something. Hearing that Jax was out and getting caught by Unser only strengthened this decision. He had wasted enough time, he either had to run as far away as possible or get right with the Jax. And Juice knew which of the two possibilities he preferred. He would give it one more shot before he cut his losses and vanished into the night. Maybe Jax had cooled off in prison. Or maybe he felt lonely and could use the comfort Juice had offered in the past. It likely wouldn’t be pretty – Juice wasn’t stupid enough to think Jax would be gentle to him at the moment – but he could deal with a dick up his ass. But how should he pull it off? Break into Jax's house and wait for him in bed? Hot, but probably stupid and a bit too much like porn. What if Jax immediately attacked him? And what about the rest of the club? Was he just on Jax's shit list or had they voted for mayhem in his absence? If it was the latter, Jax couldn't spare him even if he wanted to. He needed more information before he could do anything and he would need a member for that. And he knew just the man for the job: Chibs. The guy had a big heart and had offered to help him in the past. Juice was certain that he would help, especially if he played it up a little.

Of course, he had to be careful about contacting him. Nobody else must know and Chibs needed plausible deniability. Also, Juice had to be certain the guy really wanted to help before meeting with him. If Chibs had changed his mind in the meantime, he could walk right into a trap. He heard Unser squirm in the bathtub and an idea came to him. Maybe the guy could be useful after all.

*   *   *   *   *

Chibs had no idea what to expect when he walked into the diner. Their parole officers knew that they wouldn’t turn any of them into model citizens and usually didn't waste their time. This made this meeting very unusual and the Scot had a bad feeling about it. Some trouble from the DA maybe? He relaxed for a moment when he saw Unser but the tension immediately returned when Juice stepped into view.

"Jesus Christ," Chibs said. "You dumb bastard."

"I took him at gunpoint," Juice said, indicating Unser. "He had no choice. It was the only way I could get you to come alone. I needed to talk to you."

"We are way past talking, you should have run when you had the chance," Chibs said and meant it. It would have been better for all parties involved if Juice had just vanished forever. But here he was and now he was Chibs’s problem. "What the hell do you want?"

"Did the club vote for mayhem or is Jax doing this on his own?"

"That's none of your business," Chibs said, even if he was sure that Juice could guess the truth: This was all Jax. Nobody in the club even knew exactly what Juice had done to piss Jax off, not even Chibs. But he thought he was better off not knowing.

"I need to know if there is something I can do to earn my way back," Juice said. "I will do anything, man. Please!"

Jesus, was the guy serious? He couldn't actually believe he still had a chance of buying his was back in? It wasn't like this was his first slip-up. And there certainly wasn't anything waiting for him in SAMCRO. Nobody in the club would trust him now and Jax...Jesus. That was it, wasn't it? The guy wasn't just missing his club, he was missing Jax’s dick. Now it all made sense for Chibs. Jax had messed the guy up so much he not only believed that Jax loved him but was in love himself. True, Juice had told him something like that in their argument last week – was this just a week? It seemed like an eternity to him – but he hadn’t really believed it. Now he saw that Juice was dead serious. Christ, this was the most fucked up love story he had ever heard.

So what should he tell him? The truth was that Jax pretty much ruled the club like a king now. If he welcomed Juice back into the fold, the others would likely follow him. But this was very unlikely in Chibs's book. And even if Jax would let him live, Chibs had little doubt on what he would do to him now that his wife was gone. Probably he would stuff a dick in him whenever he got the chance. Hell, Chibs wouldn't be surprised if Jax would let the other members take a ride as well, Tig and Happy would probably be more than willing to break Juice further. And the fucked up thing was that Juice would likely think this was a good deal. Probably he would be in love with them next. No, Chibs could not bear to look at this shit. Juice's time with SAMCRO was over and the sooner the boy got as far away from Jax and the club, the better it would be for him. But how should he get through to him? He had warned him again and again and he had never listened. Should he go toe-to-toe with Jackie for him? Force him to let the guy be? Nah, this would only blowback on both of them. The best thing would be if Juice vanished without a trace and never returned. But to get him to do that he had to be harsh:

"If I were you, I would take that gun, put in my mouth and pull the trigger."

The misery on Juice’s face was heart-breaking. Chibs really wished that there had been something else he could do but he was all out of options. He watched Juice leave and put on a bit of a show for Unser. He really hoped Juice didn’t really kill himself but rather realized that he had to leave. That Chibs had to tell Jax about the meeting – anything else would be too dangerous – only made him more worried. He had the distinct feeling that this wouldn’t end well for anyone.

*   *   *   *   *

Things went from bad to worse for Juice after his encounter with Chibs. Now that the last hope had been shattered, his mental state became even worse than before. Most of the time he couldn’t focus at all and merely relived the many ways he had gone wrong over and over again. It took the not so gentle prodding from Gemma to get him out of town. But no peace could be found there either. He still had nothing to run to, so he couldn't really hope for better times ahead. And it didn't take long for his sins to follow him. When he heard about the Chinese massacre in Diosa, the full weight of what he had done came back to him. This was on him! The club was in a deadly turf war with Lin because he had told Gemma the Chinese could take the fall. This made him feel even worse and kicked up his paranoia another notch, causing him to ice an innocent man just because he was Asian.

And then Gemma backstabbed him. Juice really should have known better than to trust her but he hadn't seen it coming. At least he knew now that he wouldn't be safe stateside – who knew how for the Chinese’s reach went? –, so he reached out to the Mayans for some help with getting to Mexico only to have Alvarez turn him over to the club. So here he was now, looked in a spare room in the ice cream shop, waiting for his sentence. He wondered what was taking so long. He had expected Jax to shoot him on sight but until now he had done nothing like that. Seeing him had stirred up all the old feelings again and now Juice was torn between panic and the irrational hope that he could somehow make it right with Jax. He paced his cell and just hoped something would happen soon.

*   *   *   *   *

Jax dismissed Happy and stepped towards the door to Juice's makeshift cell. Okay, time to put this behind him. He would step inside, question Juice a bit to satisfy his curiosity and then kill him. Usually this would need a club vote for that but Jax didn't want to bring the subject to the table. Chibs was still the only one who knew about his special relationship with the Puerto Rican and Jax wanted to keep it this way. And without this information his other brothers wouldn't understand why he felt so betrayed by Juice's actions. No, better to end it here and now even if Bobby might be upset afterwards. Jax's hold on the club was absolute at the moment and a little bit of extra justice wouldn't shake it. He debated pulling his gun but chose to use his knife instead. This was personal so he might as well make the mayhem personal as well. And the phallic symbol was probably fitting.

He opened the door and stepped inside. Juice turned at looked at him, his eyes wide and fearful. Jax gave him a hard stare and closed the door behind him. His knife was out so Juice must have a pretty good idea about what was coming.

"Please make it quick," Juice said softly. "For old time's sake."

"I will," Jax said and meant it. "I just have a few questions first."

"Do my answers matter?"

"Probably not at this point," Jax admitted. "I just don't like loose ends."

"Alright, Jax. Ask away," Juice said.

Jax eyes wandered over him. He had more important questions but one thing bothered him. "Why did you shave your hair off?"

Juice blinked in surprise. "I...I don't really know. I...haven't been well this last week. I never really have been since I killed Miles. It got a lot worse after you turned on me."

Anger rose in Jax. "Turned on you? You betrayed me! You told Nero what happened to this junkie bitch! I thought about that a lot and what I can't figure out is why you did it. I thought you were good with me. And if you weren't I would have thought you would at least choose a betrayal that actually hurt me. Unless you are not just a rat but also very stupid."

Sadness rose up in Juice's eyes. "It was an accident Jax. I never wanted to tell Nero that."

That sounded far-fetched but okay, he would bite. "Explain."

Juice sighed. "After you killed Clay, Chibs approached me. He told me he couldn't watch me getting raped anymore and offered to help me get out of town."

Jax shook his head. The guy really didn't know when to quit. "Goddammit, Chibs."

"I told him I wanted it, but he thought I was deluding myself. That you were just using me and that you would drop me the moment you fixed things with Tara. I refused to go with him and tried not to let what he said get to me but it was harder than I thought. I tried to talk to you but you were busy with Tara. Bobby noted that I was upset and wanted to know why. I told him it was because of Clay and he advised me to pop some Oxy and get my dick sucked at Diosa."

Jax did not like where this was going. "Go on."

"I wanted you but this seemed like my only option, so I went. I was very shaken up and started popping Oxy like crazy. I took too much."

"Jesus Christ, Juice."

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill myself! Luckily, Gemma and Nero found me, out of my mind. They saved me and put me to bed. I...don't remember much of this night but when I came to the next morning I had the feeling that I had said something to Nero – something dangerous. At first I wasn’t sure if I had just dreamed it but then you confronted me and I knew."

Jax had no words at this point. This was not how he had imagined it at all. Suddenly Juice didn't seem like a two-faced rat anymore but more like a vulnerable friend who was falling apart at the seams. And who needed help rather than a blade in the stomach. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You seemed way too angry. And, as I said, I was in bad shape. I guess I still am. I couldn’t even bring myself to run properly. I wanted the club back too much." He paused. "I wanted you back too much."

"Jesus, Juice, what I am supposed to do with you?"

Juice gave a small smile and stepped closer to Jax – a lot closer. "Whatever you want, Jax. As I said, I stayed for you. Though you might as well give a guy one last kiss."

He bent his head up and kissed Jax. The President hesitated but then responded – eagerly. Everything they had had before came back to him this instant. He explored Juice's mouth, his anger forgotten for the moment. He felt a touch of both the feeling of absolute power and the intimacy he had felt this one night with Juice. Damn, he hadn’t realized how much he had missed that. Then Juice broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Jax’s.

Their position would be a perfect for him to stab the guy but Jax found that he couldn’t. Not after what had just happened and not when he knew he had completely overreacted. He looked at the knife in his hand and put it back in his sheath. For the first time he could see a glimmer of hope in Juice's eyes.

"What happens now?" the Puerto Rican asked him.

Jax wished he knew. "You will stay here until I decide what to do with you. Maybe we can find a way for you to earn it back. For now, the rules are simple. You do whatever I tell you and you keep your mouth shut. To the cops and the others. Nobody needs to know what happens between us."

"Alright, Jax. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Jax said. "And grow your hair back out. I miss the Mohawk."

*   *   *   *   *

Jax took some time for a smoke, some thinking and a quick call with Gemma before he brought everyone to the table. "I spoke to Juice," Jax said. "I wanted to tie up some loose ends, fill in the last blanks before I kill him."

Murmurs immediately filled the room. Jax had never bothered getting an actual mayhem vote for Juice – or even one that removed him from the club. He had just said that Juice couldn't be trusted and that had been enough for everyone – not even Chibs had protested. But actually icing the guy without a vote was pushing his authority more than a bit. He waited for them to quiet down and continued. "I was wrong about Juice. He explained to me what had happened and it seems like he has not betrayed me after all. It was an accident."

"It’s time you tell us what exactly happened between the two of you, brother," Bobby said. "This is getting really cryptic."

Jax could see Chibs tense next to him. Oh, no reason to get upset yet, Chibs. He wouldn't tell Bobby about the fucking. "I know and I apologize for the secrecy. I think you all remember the Darvany situation. The crazy bitch was a threat to all of us but Nero was too wrapped up in his guilt to realize that. So I had to take care of her."

Bobby’s eyes went wide. "It wasn’t an overdose."

"Juice killed her for me," Jax said simply. "Smothered her with a pillow. Nero couldn’t know and I thought it better keep it on a need-to-know basis. Maybe this was wrong but I didn’t want to burden you with it. And we couldn’t hold a vote with Nero watching."

Bobby let out a sigh. "That’s some heavy shit, brother."

Jax didn’t think so – who gave a shit about some junkie whore? –, but of course he couldn’t admit that. "I know, Bobby, but it had to be done." He continued with the story. "It might not have been pretty but it worked well. We couldn’t be tied to the shooting anymore and Nero believed the overdose story – or at least I thought he did. A week ago he suddenly confronted me about it. This was the reason he was meeting with the Mayans so much these days – blowback from me going behind his back. Since Juice was the only one who knew, I thought he had ratted me out to Nero but I never understood why he would do it. Now I know what happened: Apparently he was upset after Clay's death and somebody told him to go to Diosa and pop some Oxy." He paused at this point and watched Bobby squirm uncomfortably. "Juice followed this advice but lost count of how much Oxy he took. He overdosed."

"Jesus Christ," Chibs said. "Juice, you stupid fuck."

"He told me it was an accident but I don’t know if this is true. Anyway, Nero and my mom found him and saved him. He was out of his mind at this point and when Nero put him to bed some words spilled out. Enough for Nero to guess what happened to Darvany."

"And you believe that?" Tig asked.

"I called my mom and she more or less confirmed it. She remembers Juice suspecting that he had overshared something but she couldn't make sense of it at the time. By the time Juice was on his feet again, Nero had already confronted me and I was too pissed off to even listen to Juice. Then he split, worried that I might have him killed."

"So what happens now?" Chibs asked.

I tell you off for causing this mess, Jax thought. But first things first. "I won't kill a brother for making a stupid mistake and Juice has begged me for another chance. He said he would do anything."

"Anything?" Chibs asked, worry in his voice.

"We could use him to take out Lin," Tig suggested. "Let him get arrested so he can kill Lin in Stockton for us."

Jax shook his head. "If we do this, he will be buried in prison for the next years, even if it is just on a parole violation. Then he won't be of use for us anymore. And using Juice would be a huge risk. He would be on his own inside and nobody knows what will happen then. Maybe the DA will offer him a deal or somebody will take him out before he can get close to Lin. Both could be devastating for us. It is much safer to use Tully’s guys, it will even give us plausible deniability."

"So we just forget anything happens and welcome him back?" Bobby asked.

"No," Jax said. "Juice might not be the rat I thought he was but he is in very bad shape mentally. The overdose makes this pretty obvious. We can't rely on him in this condition. I suggest we put him somewhere safe and wait for him to get better. He can do some hacking in the meantime, it might calm him down and give us some intel. Once we have dealt with Marks we can have another look at him and decide if he should keep his patch. I will keep an eye on him and try to help him getting his shit together."

He saw Chibs glare at him suspiciously but Bobby seemed to be impressed. "This is a good plan, Jax. We have to take care of our brothers. Maybe some rest will help the guy get his head straight."

"So, all in favor?" Jax asked and everybody nodded. "Okay, we will bring him back to his place once we are done. And he has to meet Jarry so that the APB goes away. He split before Tara was murdered so I’m sure he can't give her anything anyway." He took a deep breath. "Alright, we are done for now. Chibs, could you stay a moment longer?"

Chibs nodded and waited while everyone else cleared out. Once the door had been closed, Jax turned to the Scot, his pleasant facade gone. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"What do you mean?"

Him playing stupid only enraged Jax further. "You told Juice that you would get him out of Charming? Away from me? That I was just using him? That you couldn't stand watching this fuck up shit anymore?"

Chibs looked at him defiantly. "You are using this boy, Jackie, and it’s not right!"

"Oh no, you don’t get to be self-righteous about that anymore!" Jax snarled. "You are the fucking reason he swallowed those pills! Everything was going fine between us but you had to get involved! Do you even realize how much damage you have done? Juice could have died from the overdose! Not to mention that I was just seconds away from killing him! Why can't you leave him the hell alone? What happens between Juice and me is none of your goddam business!"

"Open your goddam eyes, Jackie: The boy is all twisted up because you raped him when he was already crumbling under the pressure! Just because he came to like it after a few rounds doesn't make it right. If you actually cared about him, you never would have done this to him in the first place!"

That stung. Jax was about to bash the guy’s head in but managed to stop himself. It was too risky, the others would ask too many questions. And he couldn't deny that Chibs was at least somewhat right. Maybe he had twisted Juice a bit too much. "Maybe it wasn’t the best move. But the bottom line is: Juice is mine and I decide what happens to him. You stay the hell out of it! And if you try to break him away one more time, I will fucking end you!"

Chibs shook his head. "I love you, brother, but you are dead wrong here. It might give you comfort to have him close, maybe you even love him in some twisted way but it is messed up and it will kill him."

"It won't," Jax said. "And even if it might it is his decision. I am not forcing him."

"The sad thing is that I actually believe that. The boy is fucked up enough to be madly in love with you by now." Chibs shook his head. "But I know when I have lost. I won't get involved and I won’t tell anyone. But don't expect me to like it."

Jax didn’t and didn’t really care about Chibs’s opinion on his love life anyway. He was glad he had been wrong about Juice. Finally, something turned out to be better than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't very happy with the end of the Juice storyline. Not because he didn't end up having hate sex with Jax but because the whole arc was badly executed. Sending him to prison to kill Tully doesn't make any sense and it is very strange that he doesn't even try to explain his actions – which are much more forgivable than the things he was pardoned for (not counting his involvement in Tara’s murder). That nobody in the Sons has any objections to this – or any of Jax's decision over the course of the season – is very weird and one of the reason season seven falls flat in my opinion. 
> 
> But at least it gave me a lot of slashy subtext to work with. Juice's devotion to Jax and mental instability is even better explained when you add Jax more-or-less raping him and the pulling him into a twisted relationship before. This is why I kept much of the first half intact and just added some explanation to keep the story going and avoiding the plot holes of the canon. I will take much more liberties with the second half and anyone hoping for Juice/Tully will be disappointed.
> 
> I honestly do not know how this will end currently but the series finale will probably give me some pointers. You stay tuned for the last chapter. Feedback is even more appreciated than usual.


	4. Loose Ends

Despite the at least somewhat positive outcome of his last meeting with Jax, Juice was quite surprised when the door was unlocked and Happy beckoned him to come outside. He thought the Sergeant at Arms seemed friendly but it was hard to tell with him. When he stepped outside he saw that Bobby, Tig and Chibs were waiting for him as well. Jax was lurking in the background, talking to Gemma who not-so-subtly glanced to Juice over Jax's shoulder. Juice swallowed. He wasn't sure what Gemma would do now. Then Bobby hugged him and took his mind off her. "Welcome back, brother!" he said, taking Juice completely by surprise.

"Glad to be back," Juice said, stunned by this warm welcome. What the hell had Jax told them? That he had been off rescuing kittens?

Bobby released him and stepped back. "Jax told us what happened with Darvany. And that you overdosed at Diosa. I am sorry I suggested it, Juice. I should have listened instead of just telling you to get your dicked sucked."

Wow, Jax should consider going into politics. The way he had spun the story had turned Juice from a rat to a victim in less than half an hour. "Well you can always blow me as apology, Bobby."

Bobby laughed. "Not a chance." He motioned to Jax. "He will take you home later. You stay there and clear your head. Once you are feeling better, we will be there for you. Maybe we have all this shit with Marks behind us by then."

"Jax said not to bother Juice with club business," Tig said. He clapped Juice on the shoulder. "I know a few girls that might help you, Juice. I swear they can suck your worries out through your..."

"Thanks, Tig, I think I will manage," Juice said. Before he would do anything sexual that Tig liked he would take the whole club up his ass.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Chibs asked. "Alone, please."

"Sure," Juice said and followed him to Church. Once he had closed the door behind them, Chibs spoke. "I wanted to apologize for our last meeting. I was just looking out for you. This thing with Jax isn't good for you and I wanted to scare you straight."

"I know, Chibs," Juice said. "And I know you mean well. But trust me, being on my own won't help me at the moment. I need to heal here." He paused. "With Jax."

"I am not sure how that's supposed to work but it seems like you are both daft enough to believe it. Just tell me if he gives you trouble, all right?"

Juice felt quite touched. Chibs might be gruff sometimes but he had a good heart. And it seemed like Juice could never fuck it up with him completely. "I will. Thanks, Chibs."

"Alright, I have to see our new Sherriff now. See you soon."

"See you," Juice said and watched Chibs go, leaving him alone in the new Church. He ran his hands over the reaper inlaid in the table. He was back. Maybe on probation but he was back in. He felt much better already. Did he have Jax back as well? He wasn't sure but he guessed time would tell. He wondered what Tara’s death meant for their relationship. Jax was alone now but he might feel too guilty to have sex with him. The door opened and Juice turned, expecting Jax. He saw Gemma instead and his good mood vanished.

"So it is true," she said. "You somehow got away."

"No thanks to you," Juice replied.

"Hey, I confirmed the overdose story for you," Gemma said. "So you can thank me that Jax spared you."

Juice thought that this was bending the truth quite a bit and didn't make up for her trying to kill him but he knew arguing with her would be a massive waste of time. "What the hell do you want, Gemma?"

"What did you tell Jax?"

Ah, of course. As usual, Gemma thought only of herself. "Don't worry. I didn’t tell him what you did."

"And you better keep it that way!" Gemma said, getting right in his face. "For your own sake!"

Juice gave her a weary smile. "I am not scared of you, Gem."

"Oh, never mind me, what do you think will Jax do when you tell him the truth? Or did you plan to leave out the part where you helped me cover up the murder? Because you can bet your brown ass I will tell Jax exactly what you did before he kills me. And then you will be in the ground with me."

"So this is your strategy? Mutual assured destruction? Pretty old-fashioned but I guess it fits." He ran a hand over his face. Damn, what had he been thinking? He never should have helped Gemma. Jax had gotten over Darvany but this was something he likely couldn't forgive. Juice could never tell him but the thought of watching him killing innocents and endangering the club while he tried to find Tara's killer was hard to bear. But Gemma was right, he couldn’t tell Jax. Juice guessed he was lucky that Lin had already been dealt with, maybe things would die down now. "I will keep my mouth shut. But you should really consider coming clean to Jax."

"Are you out of your fucking mind? Do you know what he will do to me?"

"What do you think will happen if you don’t say anything? Look around you, Gem. Already dozens of people are dead because of the lie you told. The very thought that I helped you come up with it makes me sick but here you stand as if nothing has happened."

"Don't tell me how I’m supposed to feel!" Gemma snapped. "I am doing the best I can for this family! Telling Jax will fucking shatter him, I am protecting us all by keeping silent! And if some chinks die for it, that’s fine with me!"

Juice shook his head. He should have known. He wished he had her coldness, it would make things a lot easier. "Are we done?"

"Just one more question. What is going on between you and Jax?"

"I thought he told you about Darvany."

"I don’t care what happened to this junkie whore. I am just surprised Jax forgave you so easily. What else did you do for him? Kill someone?"

"That's none of your business."

She gave him a confident smile. "Doesn't matter, I will find out eventually."

The door opened and Jax walked in. He stopped when he saw Gemma. "What are you doing here?"

"Just telling Juice he should stay away from drugs." She turned to leave. "You take care of him, baby."

"I will, Ma," Jax said, completely unaware of what Gemma really meant. She walked out, leaving him alone with Juice. "Come on," the VP said. "Let’s get you home. You need some rest."

Juice didn't think he would get much sleep anytime soon but it might be good to be alone for a bit. Think things through. He followed Jax outside where his bike was already waiting for him.

Jax grabbed a bundle lying on the bike and passed it to Juice. The Puerto Rican unfolded it and realized it was his cut. He gaped at it in amazement.

"It's a cut, Juice," Jax said, grinning at him. "I am sure you have seen them before."

"I never expected to see it again. Does that mean I am back in?"

"Not quite," Jax said and Juice's heart sank. "Your patch is safe for the moment but you need to get your head straight. We need you sharp and focused, we can't keep worrying if you wind up dead somewhere. Consider yourself on medical leave for the moment. You can do some hacking or other light duty but I don’t want you involved with the heavy stuff. Hopefully things will have died down once you are feeling better."

Juice guessed this was the best deal he would get. "Thanks, Jax. I really appreciate it."

"It is the least I can do," Jax said. He glanced around. "Let's go to your place."

The ride back to his home was spent in silence but Juice didn’t mind. He was feeling so giddy he had trouble not bursting out with laughter. He had done it! He was safe! The club was on his side again and Jax seemed to come around as well. The only thing missing was Jax's cock inside him but given they were on the way to his home, he guessed this would be remedied soon.

When they came to his place Juice was shocked at the mess that awaited them. It looked like the house had been searched – and not too gently. He thought Jax looked a bit guilty at this. "I guess the guys got carried away when they looked for clues on where you had disappeared to. I'm sorry, Juice."

"It’s okay," Juice said. "I will have time to clean it up the next days."

"If you need anything, man, just ask," Jax said.

"What’s going on, Jax? Not that I am complaining but you were only seconds away to kill me this morning and now you are acting like my best friend again. Anything I am missing?"

Now he could definitely see guilt on Jax's face. "I had an argument with Chibs earlier. It was about you."

"Shit."

"Yeah, it got a bit tense. I blamed him for the overdose but he said it was all my fault. I can't help feeling that he was partly right. I never should have come onto you when Tara was in prison. It was selfish and reckless. I knew you were hurting because of Miles and only laid more pain on top of it. I might as well have shoved the pills down your throat myself."

Juice stepped closer to Jax. "It's okay. Really. I am glad you fucked me this day. Otherwise I never would have known what it is like to do this."

He leaned up for another kiss. Again, Jax responded and Juice smiled. Seems like he was close to getting the one thing that was missing. Then Jax broke the kiss and took a step back. "I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. Not so soon after Tara..."

Shit, talk about a gut punch. Guilt flowed through Juice and he had the sudden desire to come clean. But he knew this would be madness. "I am so sorry, Jax. How are you?"

"Depends. Some days I am fine the others I can hardly get up. The nights are the worst. Waking up in my empty bed, it just makes it so real she is gone. All I can do is kill the man who did this to her. Maybe I will feel better then."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Jax gave him a soft smile. "You are just waiting for me to say that my bed needs filling, aren't you, Juice?"

"Guilty as charged."

"And I would be lying if I said I haven't considered it." He took a step back. "You clean this place up. I will come by to check on you."

"Sure thing, Pres."

*   *   *   *   *

Chibs might not believe it, but Jax had no intention of immediately jumping back into bed with Juice. He still felt guilty for repeatedly cheating on Tara with him and doing so right after her death felt disrespectful. Also he wanted to keep his head clear when it came to the guy. He still didn't know if Juice was cut out for staying in the club. If the guy didn't get his head straight, it might be necessary to take his patch and – if he turned out to be really unstable – his life. Jax hoped it wouldn’t come to this but the possibility was there and he wanted to stay objective. Well, as objective as was possible when the thought of fucking the guy in question made you so hard you could barely think straight. Chibs had said Jax's actions had screwed Juice up but the President was starting to wonder if he had damaged himself as well. There were so many reasons the relationship with Juice was a bad idea but he could not bring himself to write it off completely.

Then Bobby was killed and Tully finished off Lin only to find out that Jury had not betrayed Jax after all. Jax knew this would cause a lot of fallout with the other charters and he really didn’t need any more trouble at the moment. Unable to sleep, he finally relented and went over to Juice's place. He had to knock repeatedly before someone answered. "Yeah?" he heard Juice's voice ask.

"It's me. Open up."

Juice did and Jax was on him the moment the door opened. Unlike his last late-night visit this time Juice didn't stop to ask any stupid questions. And why should he? This was what he wanted, Jax's reasons shouldn't matter to him. They quickly made their way over to the bed, shedding clothes in the process. Juice had still been dressed which was surprising given the late hour and annoyed Jax because it took longer for them to get naked. Once all spare clothing had been dealt with Jax wasted no time with blowjobs or other foreplay but went straight for the ass. Juice managed to keep him off long enough to at least somewhat prepare himself but still it was cutting it very close. But once Jax was on top of him and inside his ass, he completely forgot about that – Juice apparently as well. Now Jax had the patience to move slower, wanting to make this intimate. He didn't want an anonymous or meaningless fuck. He wanted something with affection like what he had had with Tara before the issues started coming through. And nobody could give him that at the moment except Juice who seemed to enjoy it as much as Jax did. However, once Jax had come inside of him – and Juice had finished on his stomach – the guilt came crashing back through and Jax was unable to keep the tears at bay.

"Hey," Juice said. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad if you want to leave."

"I don't want to leave," Jax heard himself say. He blinked the last tears away and shoved the guilt aside. He needed this. He needed someone close, who might just love him the way his wife once had. Tara’s memory couldn’t get in the way now. He grabbed Juice and pulled him over so he was spooning the Puerto Rican. "This is what I want."

Juice smiled and wiggled a bit to make himself more comfortable. "Fine with me. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, Juice." This time, he thought he even mean it.

"Hey, I got a lot of spare time at the moment,” Juice said. “Do you want me to look after Abel and Thomas? It would be nice to see them again."

"Sure, why not? It will give Wendy some time off. Sleep first, though."

Juice quenched the lights and soon Jax was fast asleep, the small Puerto Rican cradled against his chest. For once, he did sleep well.

*   *   *   *   *

The next day was a wild up and down for Juice. He woke up cradled in Jax's arms and was exalted he was apparently winning the guy's affection back. Jax was very kind to him the whole morning until he had to leave to tend to his club business. True to his word, Juice went over to Jax' place and helped Wendy with Abel and Thomas. Juice had the feeling she knew something was up between him and Jax and this thought made him nervous. Wendy wasn't a threat the way Gemma was but it was obvious for Juice that she was still in love with Jax – he guessed it took one to know one – and wouldn't react kindly to learning that he was currently Jax's favorite. It was awkward but Juice felt like he owed it to Jax to make himself useful. And it was good to get out of the house. He had stayed holed up for far too long.

Then Abel accused Gemma of hurting him and things took a turn for the worse. On the surface, it was good for Juice that Gemma was pushed out but it cranked up the guilt another notch. Juice knew the accusation was bullshit – Gemma wouldn't hurt her grandson – but now nobody could deny anymore that the little man was fucked up by a murder Juice had covered up. He had to focus at lot not to look too guilty when Jax discussed his options with Wendy. He and Wendy were there when Jax told Abel that Wendy was his real mother in an intense heart-to-heart. It seem to work somewhat on Able and cheered Wendy up a lot but Juice’s dark thoughts couldn’t be banished so easily. Wendy went home while he waited for Jax to finish tucking Abel in. He wondered if he should go as well but he guessed Jax had kept him around for a reason – even if it was just the combination of him being there when the school had called and him giving awesome blowjobs.

Jax took a lot longer than expected to take care of Able and when he came back Juice had the feeling that something was off about him. "Everything all right, Jax?"

The President looked at him with an expression Juice could only describe as haunted. "No."

"What's going on?"

"Abel just asked me if Gemma killed Tara to make room for Wendy." Juice felt pure horror flood his veins. Jax continued, disbelief in his voice. "My five year old son seems to think his grandmother killed his mother. It isn't true. It _can’t_ be true. But why would he say it otherwise?"

"Did he tell you why he thinks that?" Juice asked, hoping Jax couldn't hear the guilt in his voice.

"He said he heard her confessing to Thomas. Saying that she was sorry she killed his mommy. Jesus, this is so messed up." He ran a hand over his face. "Either my son is delusional or my mother has killed the woman I love. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

"Maybe he is just confused. Misinterpreting something Gemma said. It happens with kids."

"Maybe," Jax said but it was obvious that he was really troubled.

"You should try to get some sleep," Juice suggested. He really wanted to get away from this topic. "It doesn't help anyone if you are tired all day."

Jax gave him a fond smile. "Guess you are right. You are staying tonight, right?"

Sleeping here hadn't on been the table until now and Juice guessed it was good sign. He would prefer to be alone right now but couldn’t much refuse Jax without raising suspicions. And he guessed Jax needed some comfort right now and would be grateful if he stayed. So he pushed the guilt away and got into bed with Jax. Luckily, the guy just wanted to cuddle up and go to sleep – Juice did not think he could have sex with this thing on his mind. Both needed some time to settle down enough to sleep but Jax soon fell asleep nestled into Juice's back, leaving the Puerto Rican alone with his thoughts. Juice had never felt so horrible in his life. How could he lie here next to Jax when he knew exactly what had happened to Tara? How could he tell the guy he loved him when he kept this secret from him? Up to now he could rationalize it – it only hit people who deserved it anyway, the damage was already done and a hundred other excuses – but now he couldn't ignore it anymore. Gemma wouldn’t admit the murder and the truth was so unthinkable that Jax probably wouldn’t believe Abel. He would think his eldest son was insane and probably let a lot of experts have a look at the boy. This couldn't end well and would likely twist Abel up for life. Juice couldn't let his happen. Gemma might be cruel enough to save herself rather than an innocent child but Juice couldn’t live with this kind of guilt. He had to do something. And there was only one option he had: Coming clean.

The thought made his stomach cramp up in terror. Now that the seed had been planted, the chances were higher that Jax believed him but Juice did not kid himself: Jax would not be grateful. He would feel betrayed and Juice knew too well what would happen then. More likely than not he would kill him. Gemma might be doomed as well but this wasn't about getting back on her but about saving Abel and stopping more innocents from getting hurt. If the price for this was his own life, he would have to pay it. At least he would go out doing something good and selfless rather than being gunned down in a gang war or sliced open in prison. The thought had some kind of peace to it. It had been a long time since Juice had done the right thing and going out this way might give his messed-up life a comforting note. At least he would be at peace then. And he would do the right thing for Jax.

He turned to face Jax and gave the sleeping man a soft kiss. "I love you, Jackson," he whispered. "And I'm sorry."

*   *   *   *   *

When Jax woke the next morning he was surprised to find the bed empty next to him. Weird, Juice wasn't known to be an early riser. He glanced at the clock and saw that he had overslept. Wendy would be here soon and Abel might already be up. Time to get going. He climbed out of bed, threw on some clothes and went to the bathroom. He heard someone working in the kitchen and guessed it was Juice. Hopefully the guy had made breakfast. He splashed some water in his face and went down to check on his favorite Puerto Rican. Juice was currently fidgeting with something that looked like French Toast. The kitchen was spotless and Juice apparently had gone all out on the breakfast, judging from the amount of dishes on the table. "I see you have been busy."

Juice turned around. His eyes were wide and Jax thought he saw fear in there. He looked tired and unkempt – which was hard given he only had stubble for hair. Suddenly Juice cleaning up and preparing food didn't seem harmless to Jax anymore but the working of a damaged mind. Shit, had he said something wrong yesterday? Jax couldn't think of anything but who knew how Juice's mind worked at this point? "What's wrong?"

"Sit down, Jax," Juice said and motioned towards one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Jax complied and Juice sat down on the opposite side of him. The President could see tears forming in Juice’s eyes and now was absolutely sure something was wrong. "Juice, talk to me. I'm starting to worry here."

"I need to tell you something," Juice said. He carefully avoided looking at Jax. "Something I should have told you a long time ago. It will hurt like hell but I can't keep it quiet any longer, not when more people are getting hurt."

"Juice, you are not making sense here."

"The Chinese did not kill Tara."

Jax was stunned. "What?"

"The day of the murder, you sent me to your house to look for Gemma. I was still trying to wrap my head around what you said to me about betraying you. I should have either come clean or run at this point but I was too rattled to form a clear thought. So I just did what you had told me to do. I went to your house and met Eli out front. He was waiting on Tara. We heard a noise inside, Eli went to check it out and I followed. When we got inside, Tara was already dead. The place was trashed. Gemma was on the floor, covered in blood."

Jax felt like he had been gut-punched. Jesus Christ, it was true! Abel wasn’t crazy. He just tried to understand something so horrible his little mind couldn’t handle it. Jesus, Jax could barely wrap his head around it himself. HIs mother had killed the woman he loved and pinned on the Chinese! He felt tears welling up in his eyes and for once he was unable to stop them. In the meantime, Juice continued. "Gemma must have thought that Tara had ratted on you. Eli was going to call it in. He would have arrested Gemma for the murder. This is the part where I screwed everything up."

Juice turned to look at him again and Jax could see that he too was crying. "I was scared and alone. You had condemned me and I knew it would probably meet Mister Mayhem soon. But here was something that seemed like a solution: If anybody could make you reconsider it was your mother. Even if she couldn’t help with that, she could help me vanish. All I needed was something to motivate her."

"You killed Eli for her," Jax said. His emotions were a turmoil but his colder side was still sharp enough to recognize a move like that.

"Felt good finally get back on that asshole. I put some bullets in his back and helped Gemma up. I got rid of the evidence for her but we needed someone to pin the murder on. She asked who had enough beef with the club to do something like that. I told her the Chinese. I vanished from sight, she spun the story the right way. This way we were both safe for the moment."

Juice paused for a moment and then looked at Jax with an expression of pure despair. "I am so sorry, Jax! I never thought this would cause so much fallout. A war with the Chinese, Diosa, Bobby, I had no idea it would come to this when I suggested it. I was lost and thought Gemma could help me. I was wrong. I should have Eli call it in and made things right with you even if there was nothing I could have done for Tara."

Jax blinked his last tears away. The despair was ebbing up and was getting quickly replaced by rage. "Why didn't you tell me when I pardoned you for Darvany?"

"I wanted to but I was so grateful for this second chance I didn't want to screw it up again. You had taken care of Lin, so I thought things would settle down now. And would you have believed me?"

Probably not. Not when Juice had come onto him out of the blue and especially not after admitting to nearly overdosing a week before. When he didn't answer, Juice went on. "I urged Gemma to come clean to you but she would have none of it. She threatened me to keep my mouth shut. But I can’t do it anymore. Not after Bobby. Not when Abel would suffer for me. Everything between us was real, Jax. I love you and I'm sorr..."

Jax couldn't control himself any longer. He leapt to his feet. Juice was startled from his chair and started to speak. "Jax, please."

The President gut-punched him. Juice doubled over and Jax used to opportunity to punch him in the face, knocking him to the ground. "Sorry? You think that’s gonna cut it? I should have killed you when I had the chance you lying, conniving, treacherous _rat_." Every word was accentuated by another punch. Juice did not fight back which only enraged Jax further. If he had his knife he would cut the guy open and spill his goddam guts all over the kitchen floor. The knife was still upstairs, though, as was his gun so his fists would have to do for the moment. But not matter, they would get the job done as well.

"Daddy?" a small voice asked.

Jax froze mid-punch and turned around. Abel stood there, watching him straddling Juice and beating the guy to pulp. Wendy was behind him, pure horror on her face. Jax stopped immediately and stood up, turning around to face them both. Suddenly aware of his bloodied knuckles he stuffed them into his pockets. "Hey buddy, didn't know you were up."

"What are you doing with Uncle Juice?" Abel asked, trying to get a good look at the body on the ground – and Jax doing his best to block his vision.

"Nothing, we just...had a little boxing training," he improvised.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"Of course. Why don't you go upstairs and check on Tommy?"

"Okay, Daddy," Abel said and did just that. Jax turned to Wendy next. "Jesus Christ, Jax," she said. "Are you out of your goddamn mind? What the hell are you doing to Juice?"

"Club business, Wendy," Jax hissed. He was not going to be told off by her like a child getting scolded by his mother. Mother – this thought brought something more urgent to his mind. "I need to talk to Gemma. Do you know where she is?"

"I guess her house," Wendy said, clearly uncomfortable.

"Good, you take care of the kids. I will be back soon," Jax said, leaving the room to fetch his cut and weapons.

"Wait, what the hell am I supposed to do with Juice?" Wendy asked.

Jax looked at the groaning Puerto Rican who despite the beat down was still alive. Rats apparently were as hard to kill as cockroaches. But right now he had bigger fish to fry. "Just get him out of here. I will deal with him once I have spoken to my mother."

Without another glance he walked off. He had grim business to attend to.

*   *   *   *   *

Gemma was just making coffee when her phone rang. She looked at the display and saw it was Wendy. Shit, what could the junkie whore want? Gloat about the fact that she was taking care of Able while Gemma wasn’t even allowed to be in the same room as her grandson? She considered ignoring it but picked up anyway. After all, Wendy was useful from time to time. "Yeah?"

"Gemma?" Wendy asked. "I need your input on something."

"What is it?"

"I've got Juice here. Something went down between him and Jax, he is messed up. I want him to go to the hospital but he refuses. Says he doesn't want to get Jax in trouble. I would bring him to Tara but now she is gone I am at a loss. Any input?"

Cold fear spread through Gemma. "Why did Jax beat him up?"

"I don't know but it was bad. If Abel and I hadn't walked in on them, I am not sure Juice would have survived." She paused. "Jax said he wanted to speak to you, maybe he will tell you."

Now Gemma knew what had happened. She had to do something – fast. "Just tell him to put some ice on it," she said and hung up.

With the junkie whore dealt with she ordered her thoughts. Juice must have come clean to Jax. Damn his big brown heart! She should have put a bullet in him when she had had the chance. Jax would probably do this for her soon but probably after he killed her. Well, she wasn't going to wait here for him. When she dashed to her car she thought she could already hear the motorcycles approaching.

*   *   *   *   *

"She just hung up on me!" Wendy said in an indignant voice Juice found rather funny. He laughed but his injuries quickly made it clear that this was not a good idea at the moment. Jesus Christ, everything hurt! Jax really hadn't held anything back. It was probably a good thing that he wasn't around a mirror at the moment.

Wendy pushed an ice bag into his hand. Juice appreciated the gesture even if he wasn't sure which one of the countless bruises he should treat with it. His head was pounding and the thought he saw flickering lights from time to time, hinting at a concussion. But he was still alive. That was perhaps the most surprising thing at the moment. But he shouldn’t celebrate yet. Juice was certain that Jax had only stopped because he didn't want to do beat him to death in front of Abel. Once the President got him alone, he would probably get a knife in the stomach. From his one eye that wasn't currently swelling shut he saw Wendy watching him shrewdly. "What the hell just happened?" she asked.

"I can’t tell you," Juice said. "Club business. But I guess Jax will fill you in soon enough. "

"Are you in trouble?"

"Yeah," Juice replied. Now that the deed was done he felt strangely at peace. Like everything was neatly wrapped up. "You saved me for the moment but when he sees me again Jax will finish what he started."

"Dammit, Juice, you have to get out of town!" Wendy said. "Or go to the police or something. I am not waiting here for them to kill you!"

"I am done running. And despite what most people think, I am not a rat. Just get me home, okay? I don't think I should ride at the moment."

"Yeah, okay." Wendy said and he felt a rush of gratitude towards her. This might have been a good time to tell her the truth about him and Jax but he remained silent. It wasn't his secret to share.

*   *   *   *   *

It was the dead of night of the next day when Jax's long ride back from Oregon came to a close. It was hard for Jax to imagine that it had only been so long. In the last 24 hours he had found out who had really killed Tara, nearly murdered Juice and gone on a wild hunt for Gemma before finally killing both her and Unser in his grandfather’s old house. Unser's death was unfortunate collateral damage but Jax guessed he had gone out as he had lived: a slave to Gemma. It was a pretty sad life, all things considered. Unser had spent decades pining for Gemma and his mother had mercilessly exploited this infatuation without ever giving him the goods – at least Jax hoped so, the thought was too disturbing to consider. While killing Unser had been easy if regrettable, Gemma had been a different matter entirely. Jax didn't think he could have done it if his mom hadn't more or less given him her blessing. Despite all her failings she had been his mother and murdering her was fucked up even for his standards. Unsurprisingly, his thoughts had been a turmoil for most of the ride here but now they were calmer, maybe even peaceful. He had done a lot of thinking and had come up with a solution that worked. Just a few things left to clean up.

The most pressing one was Juice. Jax had left things unfinished with him and loose ends had come to haunt him before. It was late and Jax could do with some sleep but he didn't want to wait till morning. So he steered his Harley to Juice's house, where the Puerto Rican was supposedly waiting for his judgment. He met Rat Boy outside – who was standing guard on his orders –, dodged all his questions and dismissed him. Then he opened the door with the key Rat Boy had given him – taken by force from Juice the day before. The house was dark and quiet – not surprising given the hour – but Jax saw light from the kitchen. In there he found Juice waiting for him. Despite the hour the Puerto Rican was fully dressed and seemed to be more or less awake. He sat at the kitchen table, a smoke in his hand. His face was mottled with bruises from the beating Jax had given him. He stood up when Jax entered, snuffing the smoke in the ashtray. "I heard a bike," he said. "Thought it had to be you."

He didn't seem to be afraid, Jax noted. He thought he recognized the expression on Juice’s face: Here was someone who had made peace with his fate. "I'm just back from Oregon," Jax said. "I found Gemma."

"Is she dead?" Juice asked.

Jax nodded. "Unser too. He tried to stop me, I couldn't let that happen. I buried them together. Figured it was the only way Wayne would ever be with her."

Juice sighed. "Guess this only leaves me. Last end to tie up."

"That’s why I'm here," Jax said. He had no weapons out but Juice could clearly see the knife at his hip. His blood-covered sneakers probably did the rest to give him a pretty grim appearance.

"I would ask for a quick and painless death but I guess we are past that. So let me just tell you this: I love you, Jax, and I am sorry it had to end this way."

Jax wandered the room, carefully not looking at Juice. "I thought a lot about your confession on the way back. You were protected and there was no way it would ever come out unless Gemma came clean – which was very unlikely. But you confessed to me anyway. Either you are nobler than I thought or you couldn't bear to live with it anymore and wanted out. That would explain why you didn't fight back." He stepped a closer, now studying the Puerto Rican intently. "Is that what you want, Juice? Peace? You tried twice before, this time I can make it happen for you. Quick and painless. You can even choose the spot."

A lot of different emotions wandered over Juice's face and for once Jax couldn't predict at all how he would react. He was certain that he was a least partly right about this but it was hard to tell how Juice’s mind worked. Then the Puerto Rican spoke. "No, I don't want to die. I expected you to kill me for what I did but I couldn’t bear the lies anymore. And I know I probably deserve it. So, no hard feelings if you finish me now."

"I won't," Jax said simply.

Juice looked at him with vast disbelieve. "You are sparing me? After killing Gemma?"

"Gemma killed Tara," Jax spat. "You just did some clean-up. You came clean to me, Gemma lied to my face. You gave me comfort, she just manipulated me. And who said killing her was easy?"

"Shit," Juice said, "I don't know what to say. Thanks, Jax." Then his face darkened again. "Wait, there is a price, right? You want something in exchange."

"Well, there is one thing you could do for me," Jax began.

Juice sighed. "Of course there is. What is it?"

"This," Jax said and bent down to kiss him. Juice responded eagerly but then pulled back and winced. Jax realized that the Puerto Ricans' face likely was too tender for this kind of stuff. "Shit, Juice, I am sorry. I thought you were up to it."

"I am," Juice said. "Just stay away from my face. And I can’t give you head but my ass is still good."

Jax didn't need more encouragement. He lunged at Juice and more or less dragged him to the bedroom, trying to get as much clothing off as possible on the way. He had to get rid of all the pent up tension of the day and had no time to be gentle. Maybe a minute later he was spooning Juice on his bed, his cock buried deep inside the Puerto Rican’s ass. Jax pounded him madly and the lack of preparation probably hurt Juice but the President was too agitated to slow down. It took all his restraint to avoid Juice's face and focus on his comparatively unharmed neck instead. But the little guy didn’t complain, if anything he seemed to like it. "Harder, Jax," he moaned and Jax did just that. He knew there was no way this would be anything but a quick and rough fuck but that was okay. They both seemed to need that at the moment.

He had known he wouldn’t last long but Juice actually beat him to it, spilling himself over his stomach – and the bed – before Jax came in his ass. When Jax pulled out, Juice turned around to look at him again. "That was not what I had expected when you came here."

"I guess you are happy to be wrong," Jax said, handing him some paper towels to clean himself up.

He felt drained. It had been a long and grueling day and he would like nothing more than to curl up with Juice and go to sleep. But he guessed they still had things to discuss. Juice seemed to read his mind. "So what happens now?" he asked.

"I can spare you the Mayhem," Jax said. "But I don't know if you can stay in SAMCRO. That’s on Chibs to decide."

"Chibs? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Because tomorrow night he will be President," Jax said. "Not sure who will be the new VP."

"What are you talking about? What about you?"

"I will be gone by then," Jax said simply.

The words hung in the air for a moment, heavy with meaning. "Gone? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I can't go on like this. Not when so many people are dead because I blamed the wrong man for Tara’s death. Not after seeing Abel suffer so much." He paused. "Not after killing my mother. I am not a good man, Juice. I can’t watch my sons become the same twisted monster I am. Wendy and Nero are taking them up to the ranch tomorrow, I will make sure that they stay there. Wendy will raise them."

"Jesus," Juice said. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah," Jax said. "It hurts like hell but it is the only way. If they stay, they will be like me and I don't want this life for them. JT didn't even want it for me. I will succeed where he has failed. My club is almost safe, just a few things left to tie up. I will make sure the Sons are legit and I will make sure that my sons never want this life – even if this means leaving them."

He could tell that Juice was skeptical of this plan and couldn’t really blame him. Picturing Wendy as a good mother wasn’t easy but she had cleaned up her act in the last weeks. And it wasn’t like Jax had a lot of alternatives. He knew it couldn’t be him who raised them and Tara was dead.

"And what happens to you when everything is done?" Juice asked. "It sure sounds like you are searching a way out yourself. Are you going to kill yourself, Jax?"

This was uncomfortably close to the truth. Jax had strongly considered just making an end. It would have made a lot of things much easier. He wouldn’t have to bury his mother, for instance. Or lie his ass off to the other Presidents about Jury – in the end, they had agreed on the compromise that he would step down as President if they would get rid of the no-blacks-allowed rule. Hell, he could probably just shoot Marks tomorrow instead of relying on the Niners to take him out. Jax didn’t believe in God or any kind of afterlife, so he couldn't hope for Opie and Tara waiting for him on the other side. But he would be safe from the guilt of all the horrible things he had done. That had a certain appeal, especially since everything seemed to come to a close anyway. But in the end, he had chosen a different path. "No. I considered it but it doesn’t feel right. Part of it is my kids. I want them to never even consider this life. For that to happen, they have to hate me. If I kill myself, they can project anything on me, build up this idealized picture of their badass, noble biker daddy just like I did with JT. It will pull them to the club like moths to a flame. And, as I said before, Sons don’t kill themselves."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I can't stay in Charming anymore. Not with all the memories. I will grab my bike, some cash and go somewhere else. Maybe I can finally have the normal life Tara wanted for me. I will sell my house and most of my stuff here. Some of it will go to Wendy, some to the club, the rest will allow me to set myself up somewhere else. Far away from all this. Perhaps I will open a garage." He smiled. "Or a porn studio."

Juice smiled back. Something seemed to be on his mind but he was apparently unwilling to speak. It took a minute before Jax finally asked him what was up.

*   *   *   *   *

It was the late afternoon of the next day when Jax pulled up at TM. His brothers were already waiting for him. Seeing them made him realize how much he would miss this. He had been part of the club for so long it was hard to imagine living on his own again. But there was no other option, staying here would kill him. He got off his bike – the SAMCRO insignia on it would be overpainted soon – and walked over to them. Chibs hugged him. "Are you really certain about this, Jackie?" he asked when they parted. "I know you promised the other Presidents you would step down but that doesn’t mean you have to leave."

"I have to, Chibs," Jax said. "I can't stay here anymore. Too many memories."

Chibs seemed to accept this and Jax was grateful for it. It would be a bad time to reconsider anyway. He had spent the day setting everything up, tearing it all done again would create a lot of fallout. It was amazing what he had gotten done in one day. He had set up the sale of most of his assets here, handled the custody shit, had come to an arrangement with the IRA – if you could count killing the Kings as one – and had ordered the Niners to take out Marks. Then he had met with Patterson and told her the truth about who killed Tara. He had spun the story to make it look like Gemma had killed Eli as well, making sure Juice wouldn't face any blowback from the law. The official truth was that Gemma had vanished before Jax could avenge his wife but he wasn’t sure if Patterson believed this. It didn't matter anyway, he guessed. She wouldn't find Gemma anytime soon and he had hidden his tracks well. "Did you hear from Tyler? He should have met with Marks by now."

Chibs nodded. "Aye. It is taken care of. Marks is dead."

Jax exhaled. Good, everything tied up. "Then there is just one more thing." He removed his cut, laid it over his bike, cut off the President patch and handed it to Chibs. "Congratulations, brother."

Chibs took it hesitantly. "I wish I could change your mind."

"You can't. This is the way it has to end," Jax said. Truth be told, he still had his doubts about Chibs holding the Gavel but there wasn’t any other suitable candidate. And it would likely get easier now that the club was finally going legit. "You hear anything from Nero and Wendy?"

"They checked in. Reached the farm okay. Wendy still seems to think it is only for a few days. What's up with that?"

"I told Nero to wait until I am gone before he breaks it to her. I need a clean break, Chibs. Only way this can be done."

"This is so messed up," Chibs said. "A father wanting his kids to hate him? I get where you are coming from Jackie but this is some crazy shit. Not sure if I can go along painting you as a monster."

"You might not have to," Jax said. "I told Nero they should take the boys away from Charming. Thomas might not even remember me. But if they come knocking you have to promise me you will push them away. They must never become like me. This is what JT wanted for me but failed to set up. I will not fail even if it hurts like hell."

Chibs started to speak when a new bike pulled up next to Jax's. His mouth fell open when he saw Juice dismount. "Son of a Bitch, what the hell is he doing here?"

Jax smiled. This could be fun to watch especially since Juice had heard him and for once did not shy away from a conflict with Chibs. "Jax asked me to come."

Chibs immediately rounded on Jax. "Really? What for?"

"He's coming with me."

Understanding dawned in Chibs's face – followed by obvious disapproval – but the others were understandably confused. "What for?" Tig asked.

"Do you want to kill him after all?" Happy asked. "We can do this for you, Pres."

"Nobody is killing anyone," Jax quickly said. "He is here because..." He stopped, fumbling with his words.

Juice stepped close to him. "Show, don't tell, Jax." Before Jax could say something Juice kissed him. Jax considered breaking the kiss for a moment but then decided not to. Instead, he visibly responded, making it clear to everyone that this was not one-sided. He could feel everyone staring at them and when Juice broke the kiss he could see pure disbelief on many faces.

"Holy shit!" Tig said. "You two are together?"

"Hot," Happy commented.

Jax laughed. Of course that guy liked it. The others were obviously embarrassed as hell but at least they didn’t seem offended. Except Chibs, who looked mighty pissed about something.

"I need to talk to you," the Scot said to Juice and dragged him away from the others. Jax wanted to interfere but Puerto Rican stopped him with a look. Apparently, he wanted to do this on his own. Okay, he would say his good-byes in the meantime – and ignore any requests for gory details.

*   *   *   *   *

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" Chibs asked him when they were out of earshot.

"I thought you wanted me to get out of Charming," Juice said, deliberately playing dumb.

"Not as Jackie’s goddam sex toy!" Chibs said, exasperated. "I wanted you to get out of this fucked-up mess. Not get deeper into it."

"You don't understand Chibs, I lo..."

"If you say you love him, I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Jax already did," Juice said dryly, indicating his messed up face. His injuries had improved somewhat but he still looked horrible.

"This is exactly why I want you away from him," Chibs hissed. "Why do you want to be with someone who does this to you?"

"You mean beating me up? Like you tried to do all those weeks ago? You know, the night where Jax first fucked me."

Chibs at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Please, Juicy. Help me understand. Where does this come from?"

Juice sighed. He wasn’t really keen on an intense heart-to-heart but he guessed he owed Chibs an explanation. The guy had his faults but he had tried to help before. "It was my idea, you know. Jax visited me yesterday, told me he was going to leave and pardoned me for my help in finding the truth – and I guess my blowjobs." When Chibs did not laugh Juice went on. "He said he would spare me the mayhem and that I could rejoin SAMCRO if you allowed it. The way we were standing, I did not like these chances."

"Jesus, Juice. You are not doing this to get away from me, are you? I will take you back in a heartbeat, if you think that helps you. Things should settle down here, a good time to come back."

Despite his misgivings, Juice was touched by the offer. But he had made up his mind. "Thanks, Chibs, I really appreciate it. But it is not the same now. Almost everyone I knew in here is dead. And the new members will always know me as the messed up rat who only lived because Jax liked his ass."

"That's not true."

"You know it is. You, Hap and Tig might know better but what are the others supposed to think? Rat Boy only knew me a short while before all the Cartel shit went down. The others have just arrived a few weeks ago. And then there is all the shit I’ve done. My hands might not be as bloody as Jax's but they are dark red as well. I need to get away from all this. Like you told me before."

"I understand that you want to go, Juice," Chibs said. "But leaving with Jax? You think he will be good for you? He used you, raped you and nearly killed you. I love this guy like a brother but what he did to you is horrible."

Juice took Chibs’s outrage with a fucking mountain of salt, considering that Chibs himself had wanted to beat him up and demanded his exile from the club. But of course the question was valid. "Things have changed since then. I know you don’t believe it but it is true. And I can’t give up him and the club at the same time. Who knows, maybe Jax and I can help each other with all the bad shit we have been through. I don't really know if I’m his Old Lady, his boyfriend or just a brother with massive benefits but I think we have a good thing going at the moment. I would tell you more but I doubt you could handle the gory details."

Chibs turned his head away, clearly conflicted. "Shit, Juice."

"Please, Chibs, just let me do this. I promise you it is the right thing to do."

"Goddammit, fine. But if he gives you shit, you tell me."

Juice smiled. "I will. I doubt you will see Jax anytime soon but I might pass through a few times. Check on the club. And keeping up to date on Wendy might be good as well. She did well those last week but better to be safe than sorry."

"The suicidal lover counselling the junkie mom," Chibs mused. "Sounds like a very healthy setup."

"Says the guy who watched his wife fuck his most hated enemy for years."

"Well, you got me there."

"Juice!" Jax called. "Come on!"

"Guess duty calls," Juice said. "Good luck, Pres."

Chibs hugged him. "Good luck, you little shit."

*   *   *   *   *

Jax smiled when he saw the two of them embracing. Guess they had Chibs’s approval. Not that he would let the Scot mess it up but it was good that he had come around. Forcing him to stand down would really screw up the departure. Now he guessed everything was ready. He adjusted the pack on his back one last time. It was surprisingly light considering he wanted to start a new life. He had put most of his stuff into storage – including three quarters of his wardrobe since he didn’t want to start his new life in SAMCRO-themed shirts – and only taken the necessities for the time being. Maybe he would get some of his old stuff once he had settled down somewhere. Or he would just leave it as he had done with his rings.

He handed his cut to Happy. "Keep it safe, Hap. I don't think I will need it anymore but just in case. And you guys take care of JT’s bike."

"Sure thing, Pres," Happy said, apparently not yet used to his new status.

Chibs and Juice joined them. "You will both be members of SAMCRO," Chibs said to him and Juice. "But you are retired and cannot vote on anything until we fully patch you in again. You can keep the ink but no cuts and no profits other than Jackie’s porn share. I hate to see you go and hope that we will see each other again."

"Maybe we will," Jax said even if he doubted it. He would need a long break from Charming.

"If anyone asks why you left, I will tell them you abandoned your kids to fuck your Puerto Rican boy toy," Chibs said.

Jax laughed. "Perfect, Chibs. I doubt my kids will find anything noble in this explanation."

"If they see pictures of me they will wonder why it took you so long," Juice joked.

"I just have to ask," Tig said. "Who is the bottom?"

"Jax obviously," Juice said. Jax shot him a furious look.

Chibs stuffed his VP patch into Tig’s hand. "Shut up and put this on, idiot. You have to be a leader now."

This had to be a joke. The stupid, trigger-happy pervert as Vice President? Sure, they weren’t a lot of good candidates left standing but Tig? Jesus, Jax would have made Juice VP before that. The only reason Tig was still breathing was that Jax had been short on bodies. Otherwise he would have ended the asshole for the role he had played in Opie’s death. But it was Chibs's club now and he wouldn’t get involved. "Good choice. Well, I guess this is it then."

A couple of embraces later he climbed on his bike next to Juice. The idea of riding into the sunset with him was still weird. It should be Tara and his kids by his side or maybe Opie – even if the guy had never liked him that way. His affair with Juice was a dark reflection of these earlier, more wholesome relationships but Jax guessed it fit to his life. And he had to admit it helped even if the start of their affair pained him. Having Juice close would be a great help, easing the solitude and giving him someone to talk to – someone who would understand. And of course someone to fuck through the mattress every day.

Once they hit the road, his thoughts started to clear up. When they passed the town sign, Jax felt like a massive weight had suddenly been lifted from him. It was over. No more enemies to kill. No more secrets to hide. No more violence. No more dead daddy shit. Free. He was finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: After “Red Rose” I feared the worst for the series finale only to be very pleasantly surprised. I think Kurt found a great way to tie up the series and make it seem like one big arc for Jax and his family. Jax went out quite nicely in the show even if I could have done with a bit less symbolism. I think having him leave Charming and the club after shipping off his kids would have been a good alternative (nothing really required him to die) but the final episode was still excellent, even if the rest of the season dropped the ball pretty hard.
> 
> So, where did this leave me? Well, I thought Jax giving up his kids to save them from the life was a great idea and wanted to keep it this way for this story as well. Everything else was up to debate. Besides the current ending, I considered Jax killing Juice after the revelation, Jax sparing Juice but dying himself and Jax putting Juice out of his misery with varying degrees of seriousness. In the end, I went for a more cheerful ending that I guess most of you guys (at least those who left feedback) wanted anyway. I was (and I guess, still am) worried about it being too sappy for the rest of the story but I think balanced it correctly. Feedback on is of course always welcome. 
> 
> I thank you all for reading and hope you enjoyed it. I will take a break from fan fiction for some time. But I will stick around to read and leave feedback wherever wanted. And if you have any suggestions for new stories with my usual pairings, leave a comment and I might get back to it. 
> 
> Merry Christmas and a happy new year 2015 to all of you.


End file.
